Dating in today’s society is far different than it was years ago. Our parents and grandparents found each other through friends and local events. Our older siblings and cousins were able to utilize VCR tapes to view singles and put themselves out there without having to actually meet anyone. Now we can access the entire globe, swiping right or left to find a match. With plenty of more fish in the sea, you would think your chances of catching the big one would be greater. But is it?
Global News released a story this past summer that crunched the numbers of online dating. On PlentyOfFish.com (POF) alone, there are 100 million users worldwide, with 5 million of those that are Canadian. Two relationships, at the very least, are formed every day on the site, with 300,000 relationships formed every year.
At first glance, these numbers seem optimistic. What they don’t take into account, however, is how many relationships one person has had. In other words, relationships are being formed every day, but how many of these relationships are lasting? How many “relationships” do you have to go through until you find the one?
Between 2005 and 2012, a third of marriages began as online dates. Since then, the numbers continue to grow. While this may seem hopeful, the truth is that divorce rates have been growing as well. 67,408 divorces were granted in 1997 according to Stats Canada. Precise records since then have not been recorded, but 2014’s rough estimates saw a 37% increase in divorces since the late 90’s. Call me old-fashioned, but if the number of marriages rises, shouldn’t the number of divorces fall? Not in today’s society.
Dating platforms like Tinder, POF and Match are starting to change the game when it comes to love, and in my opinion, for the worse. In fact, it’s no longer love. When you meet somebody for the first time, be it a job interview or date, your first impression is based upon your demeanour, body language, mannerisms and finally, your appearance. This impression, this mental image, takes less than a minute to form. Dating platforms take away the first three factors, leaving it up to the person to synthesize these subtle forms through a nicely designed web page. Not all intentions are honest, either. Anyone with a great imagination can spin a great tale to make them look smarter, more successful or interesting. It becomes a worldwide web of lies, where we become wary and watchful. If someone can lie to you about basic information, what else could they lie about? With this suspicious outlook, we already have one foot out of the door when it comes to being with someone. Pair that with a whole world of choice at the tap of a finger and it becomes easy to see why relationships aren’t lasting. Choice... because choice. Our choices are killing our ability to love and trust wholly. Choice is opportunity. We think opportunity is good. The more opportunities we have, the better. We have become more willing to fish in a mediocre sea, where potential catches are always biting rather than patiently baiting for that rare catch in a hidden pond. We’re one-eyed wandering out the door, because out that door is more.
The world of dating gets even more confusing when you let the internet tell you how to act. Don’t fall for all of the Instagram quote-photos that outline women’s interests. Don’t fall for the stereotypical appetites of men. Don’t let a dating platform pressure you into swiping yourself into instant gratification. If you want to know how to act, look into the mirror. If someone cannot like you for being you, that should be the indicator to not pursue that relationship. Online dating gives both people and relationship a false sense of perfection. The truth is that every person has flaws. Every relationship has flaws. We do not live in a Disney world. A real relationship is one where two imperfect people refuse to give up on one another. They make a choice to work for it, fight for it and keep it.
Romance has become an intricately laid out string of emoji, a clever pairing of words, an echo. We long for this old idea of romance, yet are looking for the next thrill, the next fling, the next instant gratification. Maybe it’s time to reinvent romance. Maybe it’s time we allow our hearts to be out there instead of our bodies. Online dating may very well work out for the few committed, but the rest seem to be abusing these platforms to pursue a sea filled with schools of mediocrity.
