When my friends asked me to join them at the “Last Jedi” screening at the Yorkton Tower Theatre this past weekend, I knew I had to come prepared.
I’m not talking about finding the best Star Wars cosplay costume, I keep my fandom strictly casual.
No, I’m talking about readying my body for a two-and-a-half hour moviegoing experience in the toughest seats in town.
In October, I launched my career as a world-renowned film critic (weekly reviews available exclusively at www.yorktonthisweek.com, hint, hint). It’s been a blast praising cinematic gems and eviscerating film abominations.
But nothing’s perfect (except Christopher Plummer; is there anything he can’t do?). If I have one complaint (aside from having to watch “Geostorm”), it would be the theatre seats.
I love the Yorkton Tower. It has a delightfully retro feel, like stepping into a 1970s cinema. The persistent smell of popcorn adds to its flavour of authenticity. In an age of slick, soulless mega-multiplexes, the Tower stands out.
But its chairs are the stuff of nightmares. The first time I saw a movie there, I thought I had just picked a bad seat. The cushion gave no resistance or comfort, sinking beneath my weight. The back rest padding was thinner than a wafer. I spent the entire runtime of “War for the Planet of the Apes” readjusting my position in a vain attempt to be comfortable.
Much to my chagrin, I learned that I hadn’t picked the wrong seat. Every chair in the theatre shares the same uncomfortable fate.
So when my friends and I decided to watch “Last Jedi,” I knew what to do. At 152 minutes, it’s a beast of a movie, one that poses posterior problems in the best of circumstances. After slogging through the similarly-long “Maze Runner: The Death Cure” last week. I decided to be proactive this time.
I bought a pillow. And not just any pillow. I bought a thick, puffy pillow, one that (hopefully) could stand up to extended pressure.
I arrived at the theatre with my fluffy friend, receiving my fair share of raised eyebrows and derisive comments. I’d have the last laugh (or so I thought).
I propped the pillow on the seat and settled in. For the first hour, it was solid. I was comfortable. But inevitably, it began to sink. By the time Kylo Ren was leading a climatic assault on the Rebel base on Crait (spolier alert), I had become fully reacquainted with the stiffness of the chair.
My experiment was a failure. But like any explorer worth his salt, I will learn from my defeat. I shall find seating comfort at the movies.
Next time: A bean bag chair.
