Australians have overrun Banff.
Our friends from down under have secured nearly every job at the popular tourist trap. That’s the impression I got during my 12-hour visit. I’m pretty sure that’s more than enough time to get an accurate sample size. Statistics Canada would be proud.
Before I scrapped my way up Sulphur Mountain (as recounted in last week’s column), I decided to kayak through Bow River. I pulled up to the canoe rental shack and heard an endless barrage of Australian accents from the employees.
Everyone, from the cashiers to the instructors, seemed to hail from the land of Paul Hogan. They’d taken over the kayak rental business in Banff (which, of course, is one step away from world domination).
Now, I’ve got nothing against our Aussie friends. It just felt odd to see so many people working in a park tens of thousands of kilometers from their home country.
As I said, I have nothing against our southern hemisphere friends, with one exception. When I reached the top of Sulphur Mountain, exhausted, yet triumphant, I rushed to the conveniently placed canteen. I demanded three bottles of water posthaste. The Australian cashier took one look at me and said, “Whoa, you’re sucking back wind, aren’t you?”
As anyone who’s sweated themselves stupid before knows, the last thing you want to hear after a brutal climb is mockery, no matter how pleasant the accent. I barely had enough energy to glare at the cashier, so I grabbed my water and sat at the lookout point, vowing revenge on Australia for the rudeness of one of their citizens. Once I cooled down, I retracted my pledge against the continent.
I peered down the mountain, gazing at the path I’d just climbed. I knew one thing: There was no way I was walking down. I would be traveling in style. I would ride the gondola.
The Sulphur Mountain gondola is an orb big enough for four people. It’s attached to a wire that runs it up and down the mountain in (roughly) 10 minutes. It cruises over trees and rocks, swaying and jolting in the breeze.
As someone with a slight aversion to heights, the gondola isn’t my preferred mode of travel. But after a two hour hike, I would have rode on an eagle if it would have brought me back to my car. I bought the ticket, hopped into the orb, and began my descent.
When you’re stuck amid the trees during a hike, you can’t fully appreciate the beauty of Banff. The gondola provides the complete picutre. Mountains, forests, and rivers stretched into infinity. It was like I was flying over a Bob Ross painting. It made the two hours of leg agony worth it.
I disembarked from the gondola, hopped in my car, and headed back to the motel, leaving Banff and its countless Australian employees. I’m not sure when, if ever, I’ll return. It’s a trip I can’t recommend enough.The Rockies are the crown jewel of Canada.
But take my advice: Take the gondola up Sulphur Mountain. The walk down is a lot easier than the walk up.
