Facebook is a great way to find things that are wrong with your friends and relatives. That’s true of a post that is snaking its way around the social network. It’s ostensibly about responsible parenting, admonishing people who say they don’t have enough money to buy essentials for their children by accusing them of spending all of their money on alcohol, cigarettes and makeup.
It’s not a fair characterization, but it is one that says a lot about the people sharing the post. It tells me that they’re trying very hard to abdicate from any responsibility. They want to believe they’re good people, but there are people out there who they are not helping who could use a hand up. In sharing the post they’re saying they’re trying to convince themselves that there are people who are not worthy of assistance.
The content of the post itself is an attempt to provide a value judgement. These people do not deserve assistance because they do this or that wrong, and are thus unworthy of help. Is the characterization true? Not always. In some cases, their characterization indicates that the people need more help, not less – if people are buying alcohol instead of food for their children, they have addictions issues and need to seek further help, and yelling them with a block of text from social media is not particularly useful.
Why are people sharing this block of text? Why are they insisting that there are people who do not deserve any help or sympathy? It’s actually a coping mechanism.
If you believe you are a good person, you believe that you would help people in need if you have the ability. Most people just admit that their abilities are limited – we are all limited by our resources, whether that’s money, time or skills. The majority of people who want to help simply admit this and focus on the areas they are most passionate about. They know there are many worthy causes, but they know they have limits too, so they’re not going to be able to help with every cause and they’re more effective concentrating their resources. They might focus on charities that they know something about, work with a service club, or find other means of using their skills to help people. They can’t do everything, but they can do something, so they find ways to help in a meaningful way.
Others, and the people who would loudly declare that people do not deserve their help, instead want to justify why they’re not being very helpful. They believe they’re good people, but they’re not doing something, so they need to provide justification to themselves as to why they’re not helping. The way they do this is by finding reasons why the people they refuse to help are not worthy of their assistance. Sometimes they take to the internet to cope in public.
We can go on about why they’re wrong, but I believe they know they’re wrong. That’s why they’re so loud about it. They desperately need to convince themselves that it’s okay to be indifferent to something – in this case poverty – and that’s why they’re very loud about declaring others unworthy of their help. The problem is what they’re doing is worse than not helping, they’re trying to discourage others who might be more willing to do something.
So instead of making a negative post, just admit you’re not going to help and move on.
