I have always had a bad back. It’s something that I have lived with for the majority of my life, to the point where I think my problems all started back in elementary school. I fell off some playground equipment onto what I remember as concrete. Kids these days with their playgrounds covered in bouncy rubber don’t know how good they have it.
As I’m not a medical doctor, I don’t know if my theory is correct, and since the philosophy at the time was that if you can walk it’s probably fine, I didn’t go to the doctor after that particular incident. Instead, I just lived with the constant but mostly background pain, it felt normal and as a result I didn’t give much thought to it. Of course my back hurt, that’s what backs do. I distinctly remember sitting in class and gritting my teeth through waves of back pain, but not mentioning it to anyone because I assumed it was just a thing that happened.
As the years went on, I began to slowly realize it wasn’t normal, but it took until this year before I actually talked to a doctor about it. That’s because this year it has become steadily worse. But, strangely enough, it was very briefly much better. After a car accident I suddenly felt what it was like to have no back pain. For the entire evening I actually had no pain at all. It was strange and foreign and made me realize something was definitely wrong. And then a month later it became so much worse that I could barely tolerate it, but by that point I had started medical intervention - when I first saw my doctor I said painkillers probably aren’t necessary, though right now telling him that is my greatest regret in life.
As we sit now, I am still waiting for test results, and letting out weird groans when my back decides to violently disagree with whatever I’m doing. Turns out there is a lesion on my spine – I have named it Bruce – and I can even feel the lump it makes when I run my finger down my back.
Bruce doesn’t like standing very much, and can tolerate sitting only in very specific chairs. I have had to leave events much earlier than intended because Bruce is angry. Bruce likes heat, likes being horizontal, hates everything else. As you might imagine, I have come to hate Bruce.
The fascinating thing is that I don’t trust anything to help. Stuff that people recommend for a traditional bad back - standing desks, lots of walking, that kind of stuff - is more likely to draw the ire of Bruce. Pain medication that tells me it’s specifically designed for back pain doesn’t actually do anything. I’m leery about going to a chiropractor since it’s a weird lump rather than any traditional back problems.
I don’t quite know where this whole thing is going quite yet. This column is derived from a desire to complain because, as I sit here, Bruce is angry and is dominating my thoughts. I probably should have done something years ago, maybe then there would be no Bruce to ruin my day every day. Maybe others can learn from my mistake, and check in to see if their own Bruces are something to worry about before they get much worse.
Apologies to anyone actually named Bruce.
