In the 1986 movie Star Trek IV, The Voyage Home, Captain Kirk and his crew are transported back in time to 1980s San Francisco. Not familiar with things like cars, Kirk is almost run over by a taxi.
"Why don't you watch where you're goin', you dumbass?" yells the cabbie after slamming on the brakes.
Dumbfounded, Kirk replied, "Double dumbass on you!"
The point was made. Instead of the civilized 23rd century, they were now in the vulgar 20th. That vulgarity is more pronounced in the 21st, not less so.
A while back, a friend of mine started posting pictures on his Facebook page of people parking stupidly. A lot of these seemed rather poignant, so I finally tracked down where he was getting these pictures of parking idiots.
We've seen something of a viral hit online in recent months with various "dumbass parking of X" Facebook and Twitter accounts. Tim happens to be one of the funniest, most sarcastic people I have known since the age of 11 or so, thus I thought I would get some humour out of it.
As a result, I joined the Facebook group Dumb Ass Parking of Saskatchewan.
The private, closed group has ballooned to 3,712 members in recent months. It's not as popular as other similar groups, I'm sure, but it's picking up steam.
Its about page says, "So I got tired of all the dumb ass parking jobs I see around Saskatchewan and have decided shaming them publicly is a horrible plan but rewarding. Feel free to post any pictures of horrid park jobs you see in Regina or elsewhere. Racist, sexist and/or overly derogatory comments will get you the boot. Invite your friends! Cheers!"
The founder, a guy named Travis, isn't kidding about the booting part. He will often erase entire conversations and boot people if he doesn't like what they are saying. That's a little rich, considering the whole point of the page is public humiliation of parking morons.
Many of the photos posted are right on the mark. I am currently looking at a jacked up 4x4 pickup with lightbar parked at a 30 degree angle across two spots. The caption? "You're a winner J parking lot at Canadian Tire in Regina."
That warrants some humiliation, for sure. I once saw an apparently healthy jerk park a similar truck across all four handicapped parking stalls at Shoppers Drug Mart in North Battleford, get out and walk quite easily into the store. I was so incensed, I had to do something. Being the days before smartphones and Facebook shaming pages, I wrote a very nasty note and stuck it in the window above the door handle.
However, many people I find are now becoming parking Nazis, Another picture shows a Dodge Challenger eight inches over a line - posted. A manlift was parked along a residential street - posted. Another has a one-tonne dually work truck backed up in a parking spot (good) but since its tires are to the curb (to fit the front end in), its bumper protruded over the sidewalk (sin!)
Some of these are justifiably bad parking jobs, others are more of a case of who cares? But what I found, having watched this page for three months, is a weird social construct.
We are now finding ways to be in a continual rage. Instead of seeing the occasional bad parking job like at that Shoppers, which I still remember, we are now finding ways to constantly remind ourselves the rest of the world is full of dumbasses. Didn't you know?
My wife drives a Ford F-150 Supercrew with a 6.5 foot box. It's about as easy to park as an aircraft carrier without a tugboat. My recently acquired Ford Expedition SUV is only slightly better, at about two feet shorter. There are days when I don't know if I have successfully parked perfectly even once. The turning radii on these beasts makes sidling up to within an inch or two of a curb nearly impossible. I will often purposely park way out in the boonies just so I don't have to try to manoeuvre either the Beast or the Behemoth around other vehicles. I also always try to park such that I am backed in, and don't have to back out, if at all possible.
A lot of this hyped up rage I see on this page is around larger vehicles - some being work trucks. I'm sorry, I drove a Geo Metro for 10 years. It doesn't really work for everyone. If the contractor has to park on the street with his work trailer, there's probably a reason.
I put some of the blame on parking lots and municipalities. The best selling vehicle in Canada for decades has been the F-series truck. Why are they making parking spots that assumes everyone drives a Honda Civic?
I'm thinking of dropping this Facebook page. I don't need to be mad all the time. Double dumbass on them.
Brian Zinchuk is editor of Pipeline News. He can be reached at [email protected].
