There is no WVBMPCHL. Not yet. I just made it up when I looked out the window at green grass, heard the birds of summer singing and then turned to the television screen to glimpse two NHL teams, domiciled in Trumpland battling for Lord Stanley’s Cup. I changed to another channel. If I could have my way, only Canadian cities would have hockey teams in the struggle for the venerable old cup. This would require a new league with a new name. I would call it WVBMPCHL – World’s Very Best Moderately Priced Canadian Hockey League. South of the border, I would like to see hockey teams playing in a new league called the Supposedly Greatest Nation on Earth Hockey League. Donald Trump could put up the prize.
The silly NHL circus of 2016 is a strange and unfitting counterpoint for all the heroes of the old six-team league. I remember the late great Rocket Richard. Now there was a real hockey hero. When he broke into the league most fans knew the names of every player on every team. I don’t know who is working where in the big, big league now. I say working because the big league professionals are working, not playing. They have a lot of off-ice stuff to do, like negotiating for higher salaries and endorsing products of doubtful value. They also need to spend time consulting with their lawyers, accountants and publicity agents. Americanized professional hockey is, after all, an industry.
In the days when hockey was still the most exciting game in the world, little boys like me dreamed of filling the skates of such heroes as Red Horner, Max Bentley and Syl Apps. When hardy little kids wanted a pickup game, they often had to shove the snow off outdoor rinks, sloughs or dugouts. Sometimes they played in the light of a frosty moon. They were equipped with the essentials – second-hand tube skates, a stick and a puck. They didn’t have much of anything else except more thrills per minute than can be found in a painfully stretched out NHL championship series. They were playing the real Canadian game.
Periodically, NHL franchise-holders threaten to take their teams and their goonery to places where markets are bigger and taxes are lower. The threats don’t often work out too well, but sometimes a city coughs up enough tax money to bribe teams into staying. Taxpayers in Canada should be more than a little disgusted to see players and team officials paid more than a prime minister. If owners head for the golden mountain south of the border, let them go. They can help to develop a new style of hockey where the players all carry guns.
In the meantime those who choose to stay in God’s country can begin working on WVBMPCHL.
