It’s not every day you wake up to the news that your country goes into war.
Into a full-fledged real war. Into unprovoked war. Into an unreasonable war, in which the main question the whole world is asking is why. Why the heck is Putin doing it? Why are some, many Russian citizens, supporting it, and what is their government dragging them into? And where and when is he going to stop?
My Russian origin doesn't make me an expert in Russian politics, nor does it make me intuitively know the answers to the questions above. I don't support the current government, which is the only one I've known in my grown-up life, I never did. But I am strongly connected to everything happening in that part of the world and I do feel terrible, ashamed and infinitely sorry for Ukraine and all Ukrainians.
With my grandparents going through the siege of Leningrad and their parents dying in the frontlines of the Second World War, my parents, my siblings and I all grew up with the grandparents' motto of "anything but war." War was worse than the worst nightmares in our consciousness and unconsciousness.
Never could I imagine that war will jump out of history books we were raised on and claim its spot in real life.
Just last Sunday, I was trying to convince a friend that while Russian troops were piling up at the border, there wouldn't be a real war. I was confident it was fist-shaking and a power demonstration aimed at proving to the west that they need to take Russia, but mainly its government, seriously. Obviously, I was blind, completely naive. But I wasn't the only one.
Even those experts that have been drumming about how dangerous Putin was for years say they didn't foresee a full-pledged war with threats of use of nuclear weapons. Putin always used to be a man who had one foot in civilized western dialogue and only one in the Mafiosi-style ruling. Up until the first military actions, neither myself nor most people I know thought Russia would ever go into a real war.
Well, it did, committing a crime against humanity, causing pain and chaos and resulting in a horrible tragedy. And a deeper look into it uncovers more and more layers of insanity and absurdity, but still doesn't answer the "why" of it.
In Russia, the war is officially called a "military operation to liberate Donbas." World war has a different meaning for Russian citizens. Its narrative, story and history this word describes, carries meaning strongly associated with the Great Patriotic War; a war in which Soviet soldiers and Soviet people were fighting for their life and their own land, protecting it from Nazism. The narrative of the word "war" almost contains meaning of "righteous." So what Russian troops are doing in Ukraine is called an "operation." And from what I hear, it seems that thousands, probably millions of people believe that the Russian government is exhorting "last resources" to save … I'm not sure who or what, but they believe they are doing a good and just thing.
What the well-oiled Russian state propaganda machine ignores in its narrative of being saviours is the fact that Ukraine is a sovereign, independent state, and what's happening is a full-power military invasion. To those, supporting the government even slightly in this direction is a treason. (There were suggestions at the government level to forbid using the word "war" in the context of the war in Ukraine).
It took years of propaganda, fear-mongering, crackdowns and changing the constitution to a point, where even what I'm saying now, if needed, can be considered a plea for extremism and may result in criminal charges, jail time, loss of citizenship and probably more. By 2022, the Russian constitution and regulatory framework developed to a point where the power concentrated in the hands of the current president is pretty much unlimited.
And with all that, it definitely seems that he completely lost it, as I don't see any other explanation for what he is doing. Not only is he destroying Ukraine, but he is destroying Russia not the less, if not more.
The propaganda machine keeps feeding people with ideas of western sanctions not working, but they already are and they are hitting everyone. Entrepreneurs I know are looking into bankruptcy procedures, thousands of people are being laid off as I type this. Russian currency is sinking, so everything people had saved up for any occasion turns into dust. But when Putin's press secretary was asked if the government that started the war is planning on having some support programs for people, he said, "Hold on, nothing has happened to us yet." If what's happening there is "nothing yet," the perspectives are much darker.
However, not everyone got contaminated by this madness. My newsfeed, mainly consisting of people currently living in Russia, has been filling with Ukrainian flags, words of support and anger towards what's happening, petitions, pictures and videos of warfare since Thursday. Yes, my scope is narrow. My Russian friends are mainly journalists and people with higher education, those who research the information rather than consume state-controlled news.
I read their posts and recognize my own hurricane of emotions, in which we are trying to do something but feel that it's too late. We screwed up. They are out picketing, some are in jails now, signing petitions and donating to causes aimed at helping people affected by war and supporting a few last standing independent Russian media. All while constantly fighting total terror and guilt.
I want to believe that this war is coming to an end right away and by the time this piece is published, it's already outdated. I wanted to see peace in Ukraine as soon as last Thursday. I pray that in 2022 we don't live in absurdity, where war is real. But I can't even try guessing what's driving the head of the Russian military machine and how far his insane ambitions go.
I don't understand what Putin wants and where he is heading. Does he want to create a buffer zone at the border? Does he want to take over the Donetsk and Luhansk regions? Does he want to take over Ukraine and/or start rebuilding the Union? Do his plans go beyond it? If he indeed lost it, it can be any of the above or worse.
One way or the other, he activated a time machine, which dragged us into horrible barbarian warfare and which is already pushing Russia over into the darkness of the past.
