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Column: Forty-five years of growth together

Observer columnist Stephanie Zoer reflects on 45 years of marriage.
stephanie-and-frank-zoer
Frank and Stephanie Zoer.

Reaching 45 years of marriage is an extraordinary milestone.

In a world that often feels transient, where change is constant and relationships can be fleeting, sustaining a union for nearly half a century deserves recognition and reflection. It speaks to more than just love, but it is a testament to commitment, resilience and the ability to adapt through life’s seasons.

Sept. 14 is the 45th wedding anniversary for my husband and me, and at the core of a long-lasting marriage is the understanding that love evolves.

The passion and excitement of our early years has transformed into something deeper, an enduring bond built on shared experiences, memories and mutual respect.

It is the little things that accumulate over time, knowing each other’s quirks, finishing each other’s sentences, or offering comfort without words. These moments define the richness of a marriage that has lasted 45 years.

Our journey has not been without challenges. Every couple, no matter how perfect they may seem on the outside, will face trials.

Life brings with it unexpected twists. For some it is job losses, health issues, financial strain or the inevitable loss of loved ones.

However, in a marriage that stands the test of time, these obstacles become opportunities to grow closer. It is about choosing each other, even on the hardest days.

God only knows the challenges we have had in these 45 years, but adaptability plays a crucial role in making a long marriage work.

We are not the same people that wedded when we were young, we were not the same at the age of 45 as we are today.

We grow as individuals. My interests are somewhat different than my husband's but that is okay, as he is my support team and I am his. We have also grown as a team to tackle issues with our children or take on work.

In a marriage, teamwork is so important if one wants it to last.

Humour, too, is a cornerstone of long-term happiness. After decades together we have the ability to laugh at each other, at some of our life choices, and even at the mistakes we have made over the years.

It lightens the load when things get tough and keeps our relationship grounded. Sometimes couples take themselves too seriously, but we need to allow for forgiveness and the softening of rough edges.

My husband loves his truck and attending classic vehicle shows, and looking those antiques up on his iPad. I humour him each time he shows me another vehicle that he thinks is cool and there are many, but he also knows that I am a truck kind of girl.

He also humours me when I get talking about horses, or I show him a beauty that is for sale, not that I am buying, but it is always fun to look. We have a mutual agreement when it comes to this.

At times it is hard to believe that 45 years have already gone by, but I am profoundly grateful for this time, as my parents never made it to 45 years.

My mom, the smart woman that she was, also said to take family pictures, because tomorrow is not promised, and one hits these milestones only once in a lifetime.

Ultimately, 45 years of marriage I feel is a remarkable blend of love, perseverance and partnership. It serves as a reminder to all of us that while relationships take effort, they are worth every bit of it.

I cannot imagine my life without my husband, so we will live each day to the fullest as a team, make memories and enjoy our time together.

Is it work? Yes, it is, but it is so worth it.

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