Telling people off feels good, doesn’t it?
Most people are too polite to admit that, but I know the feeling that comes after setting someone straight. I feel smart because I was able to point out someone’s stupidity. I am proud that I spoke my mind. It feels good to let people have it.
That is until I realize that my angry rant did a lot more harm than good.
Anger is a bottom-level emotion because it takes no thought or effort. Anger is simply reactive. Other emotions, such as compassion, require us to see the situation in new ways and imagine what it must be like to be the other person.
Anger does not require that because it is rooted in selfishness. Most of my anger has nothing to do with what is actually right or wrong. Rather, it is based on the fact that my thoughts and desires have been disregarded. At its core, most of my anger is about me rather than the specific issue or topic that I am hiding behind.
That being said, it is important to learn to deal with anger well, because the cost of handling it poorly is so high. Anger destroys relationships. We like to think that other people are strong enough to take anything, but that is not true. In fact, people are more fragile than you think and our unmeasured words can stay with them for a long time.
I once heard of a 90-year-old woman who still remembered all the nasty words that her father said to her eight decades previously. Words are powerful.
In Canada, when a police officer discharges their gun or uses their Taser on someone, he or she must account for why they decided to use that level of force. Maybe anger should have the same sort of boundary around it. If I had to explain my words and show how they helped the situation, maybe I would choose them more carefully.
Learning to deal with anger well is neither an easy or quick process. However, the Bible gives us a good starting point when it says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).
The only thing that feels better than telling someone off is controlling your words so that you do not have an even bigger mess to clean up later.
