I used to do the agate page for some of the sports sections back a few years ago. Part of the standings and summaries included the day’s transactions and those would have included some names that made you pause for a second and think – wait, are these real?
But the @ProductiveOuts Twitter account has long noticed that some of the real life names sound fairly preposterous and have added a bit of humour to it.
Here’s a random one from June 17: The Mets have recalled 2B Kermit Guano, RHP Silas Glandmangler and LHP Fernandito Balaclava from AAA LasVegas. Corresponding moves to follow.
The humour comes from the phony names sound just as plausible as the real ones.
Then they’ll draw attention to an obscure baseball player from the 1970s or 1980s. The most recent one was Brick Smith. His real name is Brick, which is amazing because who names their child after mortar?
Also brought to my attention was the fact that a golf coach named Velvet Milkman took over as interim athletic director of Murray State recently. She’s spent 25 years with Murray State so congratulations to her.
Also, there’s a 19-year-old pitcher from the Dominican Republic who is now tossing baseballs for the Tri-City Dust Devils named Henry Henry.
The names that were taken in the June draft are beyond some of the strangest names ever imagined. In the 32ndround, the Texas Rangers proudly called the name of pitcher Owen Sharts. A few rounds later, the Detroit Tigers called the name of pitcher Yaya Chentouf. And later, outfielder Lavoisier Fisher fulfilled his lifelong dream by being drafted by the Pittsburgh Pirates.
But baseball has always been a collection of some of the strangest names and nicknames presented to the North American psyche. This brings me to the 1885 Louisville Colonels of the American Association, a league that is considered major league in retrospect (but not related to the current American Association with minor league teams). Louisville had four of their top 10 players with full on handlebar moustaches. The also had an outfielder named Jimmy (Chicken) Wolf.
The Colonels had a lengthy homestand in the middle of the season. In fact, they went from June 29 to Aug. 4 without playing a road game. Which was good because they were on the road from June 1 to June 28. How do you get your laundry done like that?
Anyway, Chicken Wolf had a great season with the home cooking, as he was second on the team to Pete Browning, dubbed Gladiator by newspapers at the time. In the pre-Babe Ruth era of baseball, no one seemed to believe in the power of home runs, but the Colonels were slightly behind the league median with 19 home runs in their 112 games. There are a lot of mediocre ballplayers that will have that total this year.
The team finished 26 games behind the St. Louis Browns. And I know what you’re saying, ‘Wait, are those the same Browns that had Doc Bushong catching, and Yank Robinson as one of the bench utility backup guys?’
Yes, that is indeed the case.
“And do you weigh about 30 pounds over the guy they called Jumbo McGinnis, the pitcher who tossed 13 games for them?’
Umm, that’s a bit personal but thanks for noticing. I’m going to go on to…
“And is this the same 1885 team that finished what they called the World Series then tied with the Chicago White Stockings 3-3-1?”
Ok, that I can comment on and yes that indeed happened. That Chicago team had the most 19th century name I’ve ever heard of: Abner Dalrymple. Seemingly taken straight from the pages of a Charles Dickens novel, the leftfielder Dalrymple was a great hitter in his day and his name will live on forever.
Even if it’s only there to poke fun at.
