It was a TV commercial that briefly caught my attention, unlike most of them.
I may not have grasped the entire concept, but the gist of the message was that by joining up, you might win $5,000 a week for life. That was clear enough.
The second part of the pitch though, suggested the winner could then designate someone else to receive $5,000 a week for life. The recipient could not split or reassign the income at source.
That got me in the swirling vortex of happy thoughts that soon turned into troublesome thoughts, and I hadn’t even won the original $5,000/week yet.
First thought was that, well, you name a real young kid you know to maximize that “for life” element.
Second thought. Name me one kid under the age of 10 who has ever spent $10 wisely.
Third thought. Name me one kid under the age of 19, who has ever invested $100 wisely.
Fourth thought. It would be difficult for me to pick an adult to receive the $260,000 tax-free cash. I know very few adults who know how to spend/save money wisely.
A banker?
Hardly, they’re the worst because they have built in success on the money giving and grabbing game. They can’t lose. They can’t count.
Accountants?
They know how to keep track, but are they wise spenders and keepers of cash? I doubt it.
A lawyer friend perhaps?
I once had an interesting chat with an investment counselor (I was looking for a safe harbour for my $60 win in a fantasy hockey league pool) who informed me the two professions with the worst investment track records, were lawyers and doctors. Scratch them.
Well then, I came full circle.
Give it to the kid, and let the chips fall where they may.
But then that money would probably make the kid who was threatening to grow up normal, become lazy, arrogant, stuck-up and a self-entitled bully. We’ve seen very few children born into wealth actually turn into responsible, reasonable adults. Why put that curse on them.
Then I had my sixth thought.
If I granted a young adult who needed a break, that $5,000, what about all the others I would have to pass up?
On the seventh thought, I visited the world of inflation. With politicians and greedy big business moguls pounding away on us, $5,000 a week in 2040 would be like winning $400 a week today, so why worry.
Eighth thought.
I would take my time in deciding who would join me in the $5,000 a week club. That way I would get a whole trough of new, exciting friends, who would probably want to buy me coffee. They would learn soon enough that I hate coffee.
I could give it to someone who goes to church, temple, mosque or synagogue every week, knowing they would husband the reward most honourably. Yeah, like that’s gonna happen!
I’ve heard that bankers, lawyers, doctors, and even teachers frequent those establishments.
So on ninth thought, I just decided that if I won $5,000 a week for life and could designate someone for another $5,000 a week for life, I would designate Norm Park and avoid that swirling vortex of dangerous decision-making.
So who would you name, dear diary?
If you care to designate any portion of any winnings to Norm, contact him at [email protected]
