I got into a meaningful conversation with an old friend last week and that triggered additional thoughts in the aftermath hours.
How do friendships get formed and how and why do they evolve as they do?
Some friends you get to see every day or every other day. But then, we have friends we don’t see for months or years, yet the friendship survives and can even escalate.
You would think with the wonders of cyberspace and Internet these friend connections would be more frequent. But they aren’t, and that is a bit of a mystery to me.
I can text, Facebook or email my buddies from high school pretty well at will, but I don’t. And they don’t connect with me frequently, either.
But it seems, when we do connect, at some special anniversary or homecoming event or some such thing, the love and respect for one another is in full display, as are the stories from the past that get bigger and better. And when the old stories are done, we talk very casually, easily and frankly about where we’re headed and how we’re truly doing and the BS factor is eliminated because even if you’ve been separated by two or three decades between meetings, your friend(s) still know you too well and vice versa. You don’t BS your friends, unless, of course, you’re planning on pranking them. Then the gloves are off and no holds barred. Because that’s what friends do, too.
I often choke up remembering true and fast friends who are gone now. I don’t feel guilty that I didn’t get to see them that “one last time,” or had that memorable re-visit. Their image and memories of the fastness of the friendship are good enough and, strong enough to not allow me to harbour regrets.
Most often distance keeps you from connecting in person with old friends. You leave school or universities and head out in separate directions. The fast friends you make an effort to locate, you at least know where they are, who they married (or didn’t marry) and what profession they’re engaged in. You connect in the flesh when you need to and that’s just great. The get-togethers are usually memorable because they are far apart and the spirit of the friendship is intact and you know it, just by looking them in the eye and exchanging that hug and handshake. Everything’s all right. No need to apologize for not keeping in touch, you’re still my friend.
I phoned a dying friend a few years ago. I remember the conversation clearly because I knew I wouldn’t be able to visit him in time.
“That doesn’t matter Parksie, the visit doesn’t matter. You know and I know what was important for us. I know you’ll remember, you were my best friend.”
I wasn’t a recent best friend, but I had been a best friend. We knew and understood the status, I lamented that I didn’t even get to know his youngest children and he said that was OK too, because they knew about me and that’s all they needed.
After he died, I wrote to those kids. Giving them another perspective of their old man.
I guess that’s what friends can do, just because they want to.
Then there are acquaintances and fair-weather friends who bring joy, relief and craziness to our lives on infrequent and unexpected occasions. Where are they now? They provided glancing blows of their personalities and then they’re gone. But that confirms the fact, all friends are important aren’t they?
