There are two solutions for those desirous of fixing the Canadian Senate.
You may thank me later with donations to my favourite charity, the Pam Wallin Indirect Travel Society.
Both solutions are rather simple in their composition, which pretty well runs parallel to my intellectual makeup. I have a tendency to come up with modest concepts and then work down.
Solution One: Do not eliminate the Senate, eliminate its members.
Stevie Wonder, that Harper boy, has appointed no fewer than 57 Senators since he ascended the throne. And he is the one who now wants to do something about it.
Where would this non-spectacular body be right now if he had simply ignored the pleas from his bagmen and women for these juicy appointments? What if he had followed his own advice?
Well, we would have a 43-member Senate right now.
There is a Senate retirement age of 75.
You see where I'm going with this?
By around 2020, we'd have maybe nine 70-year-old sad sacks in the red chamber and those two or three 50-year-old eager beavers willing to do everything and anything to keep their lucrative jobs alive while the rest of us ignored them until they too, went away.
Don't abolish the Senate, just don't appoint any more Senators, sir!
Time heals all wounds. Slowly eliminate until no one is left, and avoid all those legal complications and arguments. If you can't get rid of it entirely, appoint Marty, the maintenance man. After all, he would have to go in there every six months or so to vacuum and remove the cobwebs. I wouldn't mind giving Marty a sweet pension, just for keeping the toilet flushable.
Solution Two: Go all in.
Reformers wanted a Triple E Senate. They wanted one that was elected and effective and something else that started with an E, and I'm sure it wasn't efficient. They weren't that silly.
My Triple E Senate would go them one better. My Senate would acknowledge that which already exists. We could all affirm and confirm what is going on and therefore feel much better about it.
My Senate would be Effete, Egocentric and Egregious.
If you can't lick 'em, join 'em.
Like I said, go all in just like the tin pot dictators.
Call it like it is.
You want Triple E seniors of sober second thought? Forgedaboudit.
What you really want is a worn out disorganized disingenuous muddled group of me-first practitioners who are noted for their outstanding examples of crappy leadership. In other words, not unlike what you have already.
The difference here, is that this group would be transparent in their inability to get things done, unwillingness to see things through and incapacity to learn from those who preceded them.
Of course Solution Two would be much more expensive than Solution One, but it could lead to a lot more fun than the current crop of deal breakers and spoil sports we have in those velvet-covered seats right now.
I leave the decision up to you, dear diary, and it's about as important as choosing what three toppings to order on your takeout pizza, only much more expensive.
Columnist's note: Please don't try to follow Park on Twitter. He's sorta shy.
