As we prepare for school to begin, education is not the only thing that today’s students are worrying about. As bullying is a serious issue throughout the country’s schools, parents need to keep track of what’s happening with their kids.
Retired Sgt. Brian Trainor of the Saskatoon Police Service says that the most important thing parents can do is talk to their kids, whether it’s about bullying itself or about the technology that has become woven into the fabric is daily life.
Cyberbullying has changed the way bullies actually interact with their victims, and that’s made it harder to handle as well, Trainor says. It’s anonymous, and while a kid might be able to avoid a bully in person, it’s nearly impossible to avoid them online.
“The thing they need to know is never to respond to a cyber attack. So if you are bullied online, never respond, that way the bully is not sure you got the message. The other thing is they’re trying to get a reaction, so by not reacting you’re not allowing that to happen... After a while they will get tired of no response.”
The ubiquity of phones means that parents need to be willing to keep track of what their kids are doing with the phones, what they’re installing and who they’re talking to. He emphasizes that the phones were given to them by the parents, so parents need to know they can keep watch of what is happening with the phones their kids use.
“Look at it as an opportunity to have a conversation, a positive conversatioxn with your child, not a negative one. Not a finger thumping in the chest and ‘what is this little ghost doing on my phone.’ Say to them ‘what is this app, it looks interesting, show me how to use it.’ Use it as an opportunity”
Because this is new technology, and it’s significantly different from the environment where parents grew up, they need to educate themselves on what is going on with technology and what apps like Snapchat are and how they’re used. He says that’s another part of having that positive conversation, to help parents learn what is going on from their kids.
“They were pre-digital age... They’re not computer literate, as parents we’re intimidated by the technology, and sometimes we’re intimidated by it and would rather it just go away. But the reality is it’s not going away, and instead of rebuffing it we need to embrace it.”
One of the main difficulties is that kids often don’t want to talk about what is going on, Trainor says. If kids become withdrawn, start to have self esteem issues or angry outbursts, or start to abandon activities they previously enjoyed. He says at that point people have to talk to kids, because they won’t talk on their own.
“They keep it to themselves and they don’t tell anybody, so they suffer silence.”
If a parent thinks their kid might be bullying someone, they need to watch for aggression, and keep track of what’s going on with the phone their kid uses as well.
“As a parent you need to know your kid, you need to know why they’re acting this way, and if they suspect something’s happening maybe talk to the school... The classic thinking was that bullies suffered from low self-esteem and low confidence and that’s not true, if anything recent studies have shown they have an overabundance of both. A lot of times it’s a power hunger, because bullying is about power, it’s about people respecting you because you’re in a position of power. The problem with bullying is that if you don’t learn better ways of handling your aggression or your relationships, you will be dealing with police as you get older because they become criminal offenses after a while.”
The most important thing is that everyone needs to talk to each other, to ensure that they know what is going on in their lives.
“Parents need to make sure you’re talking to your kids, and if you’re a kid make sure you’re talking to somebody. If something’s happening and you can’t control it, talk to your teacher, talk to your parents, keep that line of communication open.”
