People frequently lament that people no longer connect to each other. They’ll complain that people are too attached to their phones, social media or other online distractions. They’ll dream of some mythical “real conversations” that they imagine have gone away, replaced by a form of digital communication that they do not want to understand. Just because people don’t connect the way that people used to connect does not mean these connections aren’t happening, or that there isn’t real, meaningful human interaction happening in a realm that they might not necessarily understand.
I’ve long been active in a few different online communities. Some are still around, some have faded away as members grew apart and work and family commitments have made it difficult to continue to participate. I’ve met people who I consider friends, some I don’t like very much, and others I go back and forth on. A way to pass the time when it’s cold and I don’t want to leave the house wound up leading to an incredibly ambitious road trip where I met a few of these online friends. But it’s hard to really understand how these little communities of disparate people can really connect to each other. After all, it’s frequently the case where you don’t know the actual names of people, or have not met them face to face, it’s difficult to really imagine what kind of impact they might have. It’s also easy to imagine that this disparate collection of people scattered around the globe aren’t really having a major impact on each other.
This week I have had a reminder that these communities can have a major impact on people, and that reminder came through the death of one of the members. I didn’t know him that well, he was very active but not someone I had many conversations with myself. He seemed troubled, his last message said something about how he wasn’t planning to be around much longer, but he also was an intelligent and kind person who people genuinely liked and respected.
In the wake of his death came tributes, people from all walks of life talking about the difference he made in theirs. Some of the stories were small, some were big, but the main theme is that this man did connect with people, and while he might not have realized it he had made a connection, it was clear he did, and with a large number of people. The ripples of his loss spread internationally, a man who I met through trying to tell jokes to strangers has hit harder than he could have ever predicted.
It’s also a reminder that behind the screens, the strange names and icons, the shield of anonymity, there are people there. People with their own problems, struggles, values and goals. His death hits me not because of who he was, but as a reminder that he was someone. Too often people online can get negative and hateful because there’s that shield there, that distance between yourself and the people you are talking to. But to learn about the death of someone you felt you got to know at least a little over the years, it is a reminder that we are all people. It’s another reminder of the humanity behind the strange and often off-putting world that exists beyond our computer screens.
It’s also a reminder of how these conversations are no less real than the ones you have face to face with someone. It’s often at least easier to have a real connection while in the same room, when you have a lot more than just text to go with, but it’s clear that even the most basic text conversation can still have an effect on someone. If that were not the case, it would not have hit anyone as hard as it has that this man died, that they will no longer see him making comments on their computer screen. It’s a genuine connection, no less real than one made through any other means. I’m seeing the impact of this man’s death through people who cared deeply about him, from those who knew very little about him at all to those who had become a major part of his life.
While it’s an interaction through a screen and keyboard, it has an impact. We hear about the negatives of online interaction, but it’s rare that the upsides are celebrated as much as they should be. There are countless friendships, actual marriages, real connections and supports developed through online interaction. That’s important, and while we can see the negatives of online interaction easy enough, we should also remember the positives, and that it’s just another way for people to connect and bond. In some ways, a positive relationship is a reminder of the impact negative words online can have as well, because all words have an impact, it does not matter how they are delivered.
If there is something we can learn from the early loss of this man I’ve never met in person, it’s that we need to care about each other, no matter how we know each other in life. Try, if at all possible, to have a positive impact, even on those you don’t know.
