If you stole my shovel, I don’t have any hard feelings. I’m sure you had some kind of use for it, hopefully not too nefarious. I was putting off the project I needed it for anyway, so the theft of the shovel is as good a reason as any to put that off, so if it mysteriously returns to my yard I’ll even appreciate how you have given me an excuse to procrastinate. Indeed, if the shovel appears in my yard again, I’ll forget the whole thing ever happened.
The theft that has happened in my yard seems to happen entirely to confuse me. The bike that was stolen did make a degree of sense, it was a very cheap bike – and went an entire afternoon in my garage before it was spirited away to locations unknown – but it was still transportation, so it is probably worthwhile to someone. The soda that was stolen in mid-summer was somewhat less understandable, since there was also beer in the same garage and the soda in question had been sitting in the back of my car for several months as it had rolled under the seat, forgotten, until I cleaned the vehicle. Now we have the shovel, which I had owned for an entire day before it was purloined.
It is undoubtedly a crime of opportunity, everything taken was visible from the back alley while everything that has remained in my yard tends to be blocked from view. From this, I can assume that someone just wants to steal something and is indifferent as to what it actually is, and whether there’s some kind of use for it. The shovel was not particularly valuable, and I mostly had it so I could move some small rocks and replace a weed barrier.
When most things are stolen you tend to assume there’s some value to the missing goods. Tools, for the most part, are easy to grab and tend to be worth a fair bit, a bike can function as quick and easy transportation, electronics tend to be fairly valuable and quite petite. A shovel, by contrast, is unwieldy, not worth that much money, quite noticeable – mine was a bright orange. The only incentive for stealing a shovel is the inherent absurdity of stealing a shovel, because it makes much more sense to go to a hardware store like a normal person. That, or a grisly murder was committed and they needed to bury the body, but even then my shovel wasn’t really great for making a shallow grave.
The best solution is that if you have stolen a shovel, return it to the yard you got it from. I don’t have to say my address, since this way everyone with purloined shovels can have them returned. If there is someone with illegally obtained tools just hoarding the things, maybe they could bring them all back and delight victims young and old. It would be simple and mean I don’t have to find another shovel.
I haven’t involved the police, the total value of everything stolen over the entire time I’ve owned my house has not broken $50 so it’s not really worth any kind of investigation. Sure, I’m irritated that the shovel and bike are both missing, but it seems like a lot of hassle for something I probably shouldn’t have left outside in the first place. Really, we’re both to blame, me for leaving the shovel there, the thief for having an irresistible urge to pilfer anything remotely shiny from behind my house without regard to its actual value or whether or not there’s much point in swiping it.
