Eddie the Paratrooper

Eyes flashing, filled with life. We were sixteen and grown half-men; too big to partake in the fullness of the festivities but we could still dress up.

For a change Mother Nature decided not to dump the white stuff on us before November, so this October 31st saw a plethora of pirates and princesses parading door to door. We were too big to pass off as kids, but there was a lot of fun to be had without begging for candy.

Since we were teenage mercenaries, Dave, Kris and I decided to costume ourselves in full combat regalia: boots, fatigues, face paint, the whole gamut. All that was left was a plan. What could three teenaged boys do on Halloween that would be more fun than getting free candy? Stealing candy was quickly vetoed by Dave’s mom, as was egging houses due to lack of ammunition, and another veto. We had to get creative. The operation began to unfold.

Dave’s house was one storey high, so from the roof to the ground outside the front door was perhaps nine feet. We could descend upon unsuspecting goblins and Power Rangers invoking terror and wreaking havoc on all who dare to pass. Mom suggested not jumping as she did not want to make three trips to emergency and posited constructing a dummy to do the jumping for us. We put our 48 years of combined experience together and came up with Eddie: a pair of snow pants safety-pinned to a jacket, all stuffed with newspapers and a cushion for a head. He would fall upon our prey. He would fight our battles. He would be our champion: Edie the Paratrooper.

We ambled up onto the roof, Eddie in tow, and laid in wait. This was gonna be great! A pack of girly costumes approached. Eddie’s inaugural jump was at hand.

Ding-dong, “Trick or treat!”

Instantly we leapt to our feet and yelled at the top of our lungs, “DEATH FROM ABOVE!” Eddie flew with ferocity towards the paralyzed onlookers, wild limbs spewing horror in every direction. After the kids stopped hyperventilating and blubbering, they retrieved their now scattered treats and went on their not so merry way. We laughed so hard we cried. We had to do this again!

Once more we towed Eddie to his perch, patting him on the back for a successful first strike. The second would prove more challenging.

A long wait ensued for a group to come along that was not under the supervision of someone who could beat us up or call the cops. Finally! Three young males. Our next target approached. We even let them get their candy before we sprung the ambush. They turned and pleasantly thanked Dave’s mom. Then, out of the blackness of the night…

“DEATH FROM ABOVE!” Again Eddie flailed through the air, invoking havoc and mayhem on the unsuspecting children. Then things went horribly awry.

One of the battle hardened little vagabonds had the presence of mind enough to grab Eddie and run. Kris and I watched in a horror of our own as we witnessed Eddie being taken prisoner. But not Dave. Oh no. Dave was a half man of action.

Leaping the nine feet to the ground, Dave erupted into hot pursuit. Seeing he was now in trouble, the Eddie-napper relinquished his prisoner and kept running. Now if you know anything about my friend Dave, you’ll know that for him there is no such thing as good enough. The chase continued.

The little trick-or-treater’s legs were a flurry of blurry action: step-step-step, step-step-step. Dave’s legs were considerably longer and every time he drew close enough he planted a steal toed combat boot into the misfortunate would-be Eddie-napper’s backside: STEP-STEP-BOOT, STEP-STEP-BOOT. The assailant turned victim’s stride altered: step-step-OUCH, step-step-OUCH. Dave punished that poor kid for over two blocks.

While this was all taking place, Kris and I gingerly hopped down from the roof and gathered up Eddie. Relief! He was unwounded. After the whole ordeal was done, Mom would not allow us back on the roof, but that was alright. Eddie had gone through enough. Two missions and a POW, Eddie the Paratrooper retired a decorated and proud warrior. He was an honour to serve with. His memory will live on forever.