At this point in my exiting life, I can truly say “Been there – done that” when I listen to younger people brag about experiences they have encountered. The other day I overheard a conversation between to young bachelors, how one had met the parents of one of his girlfriends, but could not remember the girl’s name. He kept referring to her as his sweetheart until a name popped into his head, but alas, it was the wrong name! Been there done that! My excuse, although not shared with neither the girl nor her parents, was that I was standing in for my identical twin brother, who subsequently was told by the girl to get lost!
Another time there were a couple of young skiers discussing the dares they had tried to execute in powder, only to find themselves doing face plants to everybody’s chagrin. Been there done that! Although not by choice! Then there was the water-filled small brown bags drop from a high rise balcony onto unsuspecting pedestrians! Been there done that! Actually, my brother made me do it!
Some of the funny scenarios that I have been part of happened in my younger days; the toilet seat plastic wrap for instance. Been there done that. Only it wasn’t a toilet seat. While I was a sergeant in the Royal Norwegian Air Force, we had a visit by an old colonel who demanded to stay in one of the rooms at the officer’s mess. Upon inspection of his room he noted that there was no chamber pot, and demanded that one be made available forthwith. The storage depot clerk found an old ceramic specimen way back in the warehouse. We wrapped plastic shrink wrap over the top of it and placed it under his bed. When he used it during the night it sounded like a drumroll! He never complained, but he never stayed on base again either.
Another “water” experience was discussed by a couple of university students. One of the students in the dorm was a snorer, and they wanted to teach him a lesson by placing his hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping. Been there done that! Only my experience was in the Air Force boot camp. Our victim was a big brute that always harassed the other recruits and had to be taken down a couple of pegs. While he was asleep in his bunk, we placed his hand in lukewarm water. The result was that he wet his bed, but he never bullied anybody again.
I heard tell of tourists being robbed in broad daylight on the streets of famous European cities. Been there done that! My wife and I travelled through Paris on our way to Canada, and I was robbed right outside the front door of the famous Notre Dame Cathedral!
Fallen off a T-bar ski lift? Been there done that! My daughter Annette was only six years old when we were skiing at Marmot in Jasper. She was tired of going up and down the small bunny hill, and wanted to go with me on the T-bar. She had never used the T-bar before, so as we were standing in the tracks I made sure her side was snug under her bum. I told her to lean slightly back onit and hold on to the middle T. Of course I wasn’t holding onto anything while this was going on, so when the T-bar jerked forward it hit me below my knees, flipped me over, the bar got hooked in my clothing and started dragging me up the hill. Annette was holding on to the T with both hands, while calling for me. The attendant was laughing so hard that he almost didn’t hit the emergency switch. The lift stopped, we got sorted out and away we went.
Slid on the ice? Been there done that! I’m not talking about my car sliding on the ice, I’m talking about me sliding down a sheet of ice on my belly as I’m trying out the Canadian past-time of curling. My good friend Tim Olson suggested that Marion and I try curling. We did once, but when I found out that there is no score (style points or otherwise) for sliding down the sheet of ice on my belly, I decided that I would only become a spectator.
Cross-country skiing is my favourite sport as a participant. Crossed your skis and made a forward flip? Been there done that! Break a ski and tumble into the underbrush? Been there done that! Skied down the in-run of a ski jumping hill and forget to flip the tips up on take-off thereby landing on your chest? Been there done that, and survived!
A blonde woman cross-country skiing for the first time made the following statement: “Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country.”
Ole took a week off and went skiing. He was traversing the lower part of a mountain when he heard an ominous rumbling and saw a sheet of snow coming crashing towards him. Fortunately Ole was able to jump into a cave moments before the avalanche hit. He had matches with him and was able to light a fire using some old wood he found in the cave. A rescue party noticed the smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate. One of the rescuers poked his head into the cave and hollered: “This is the Red Cross, anybody there?”
Ole hollered back: “Get lost! I gave at the office!”
