Many hard working people stress out during their work day; in fact, they could be stressed out even before getting to work, and then end up with a “bad hair day!” The following story is supposed to be true; however, when I ran it by a professional diver, he indicated that it might be more of a writer’s (not me) fantasy. I’m sure some of you might feel the pain and most of you will smile or have a good laugh – or a small snicker.
Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob (not his real name) is a commercial saturation diver for a deep sea diving contractor, based out of Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs and maintenance on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She, in turn, sent it to a radio station in Fort Wayne, Indiana, U.S., who was sponsoring a worst-job experience contest story. Needless to say, her story won.
“Hi Sue (not her real name), it’s just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share an unfortunate personal incident with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a deep sea diving suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool, so what we do to keep warm is use a diesel-powered industrial pump and water heater combination. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea; heats it to a delightful temperature, and then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my deep sea diving suit. That way I flood my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a hot tub. Everything was going well, until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds, my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out, but the damage was already done. In agony, I realized what had happened. The hot water pump had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my deep sea diving suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding parts of the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my situation over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make the three in-water decompression stops in agony totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, my brass helmet was unlocked and I stripped out of the deep sea diving suit. As I stood there in my birthday suit, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it in the crack of my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream did put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
“So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself: Is this a jellyfish bad day? May you never have a jellyfish bad day!”
A dive boat full of Norwegians ran into a terrible storm. The boat got pounded by rain, wind and huge 30-foot waves. The divers were very quiet, but really scared, thinking that the boat would get swamped and sink and they would all die and go to a watery grave. At the height of the storm Lena, a buxom blonde diver, jumped up and shouted: “I can’t take this anymore! I can’t just sit here and drown like an animal! If I’m going to die, then I would like to die feeling like a woman! Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like a woman?!”
Lars, a tall handsome and very muscular man stood up and with a smile started walking up to Lena. As he approached her, he took off his shirt, flexing his pecs and showing off his prominent six pack. He stopped and stood in front of Lena with all his bulging muscles, holding out his shirt and said to her: “Here! Iron this!”
