There are three classifications of words in the English language that I can have some fun with. Homonym words are spelled and pronounced the same, but have different meanings. Homophones are words which have the same pronunciation, but different spellings and meanings. Homographs are spelled the same, but have different pronunciations and meanings. Let’s see what I can do with all that.
Ole, a crane operator, got up at eight and ate his breakfast before reporting to work. He climbed up and fired up his crane, only to see that a crane was perching on his crane. He bounced the boom of the crane up and down, but the crane didn’t even flap his wings. Ole read the red caution instructions, but ignored them and while his boom box was playing in the cab, he crept out on the boom to get rid of the crane that was occupying his crane. He didn’t dare let go with his hands, so he just blew on the crane until he was blue in the face. However, there was no way to know what the foul smelling fowl would do. While the supervisor had to crane his neck to see the crane on the crane, the foul smelling fowl flew off.
Ole’s wife Rose was tending to her rose when she yelled in pain and Ole rose from his chair to investigate. Rose had accidentally grabbed the rose by the stem and injured her hand. Ole wound some bandage around her hand to cover the wound. Their son Lars wound up his toy and they’re all standing over there by the bushes watching the toy unwind. A dove resting on a tree branch got scared and dove into the bushes.
“That does it,” said Ole when he saw that the dove had scared up some does that ran out of the bushes.
Rose wore a veil while walking through the vale to tend to a wild rose. The veil would keep the mosquitos in the vale out of her face. She was on a roll in her role of being the flower girl. Tending to plants was in her genes, but her jeans got dirty on the knees when she knelt down. She stopped by the nursery to buy some flowers to place in her daughter’s nursery, and waved a cheery bye as she left.
Her daughter could see the sea from the woodshed. She put away the saw and saw them out there in their boat fishing and Rose caught a bass. Ole coached her in his bass voice and used the point of his index finger to point at the pail that Rose, who was pale by now, should deposit the bass. Rose rose from her seat in the boat and rolled her eyes when Ole told her in his bass voice that it was her role to clean the bass.
Lena was in her sewing room. She was a fine sewer. When she called Sven and said she could smell the sewer, so it must have backed up.
“My nose knows,” said Lena.
Sven did not want Lena to meddle when he worked with metal, and asked her to stay away. He was a strong man. He grabbed hold and lifted the metal grate off the sewer drain. He looked down into the drain and said, “Wait a minute, it is only a minute problem.”
Sven said that between the two of them they would have to let the neighbours know too.
Some “true” stories.
A frog jumped up on the psychic’s table and asked her to tell his future. The psychic was taken aback, as she had never seen a talking frog before. However, she composed herself and gazed into her crystal ball.
“You’ll meet a beautiful young lady, who wants to know everything about you.”
“Wow,” said the frog. “That’s wonderful. Will I meet her at a club, or a party?”
““No, I’m sorry. You’ll meet her while you’re sitting on a stainless-steel table in the biology lab.”
Sven went to see his doctor early on a Monday morning.
“Please doc you have to help my wife. I think she’s not quite right in the head.”
“What seems to be the matter?” asked the doctor.
“Well, we had a big party over the weekend, and she had a bit too much to drink.”
“Let me guess,” said the doctor. “Now she sees a pink elephant?”
“Well no, and that’s the problem. She doesn’t see any at all, even though the house is so full of them that one can hardly move!”
A seasoned veteran and a young apprentice were about town going house to house recording the gas meter readings. They parked their truck at the end of the block and checked the meters as they walked from house to house. An elderly lady sat on the porch of the last house on the block and kept track of what the gas employees were doing. After having recorded the reading on her meter, the veteran challenged the apprentice to race back to the truck. They took off running towards the truck and when they got there they heard running feet behind them. They turned and saw the old lady running towards them as fast as she could.
“What’s going on?” the veteran asked the lady.
“I might be old, but I’m not stupid,” she said. “When I see two gas company employees running away from a gas meter, then I should better run too!”
