This week I find myself perplexed by the millennial notion of love. We have the tools and the voice to spread our thoughts across the globe, yet our topics end up shallow because our minds are too narrow.
How many people write on the topic of love? Too many. How many people give in to the romanticized notion of love? Too many.
Across the vast sea of social media, you cannot swim too far before choking upon a post about love. You can drown in the overwhelming naivety. An elderly couple holding hands is a true testament to pure love; a happy couple is two people that shower each other in daily affection and gifts; love is a feeling that lasts forever with Mr./Mrs. Right.
Sure, a grain of truth exists in these examples, but the context of each example should be taken into consideration. We see these examples from the outside, therefore our opinions are from an outside perspective. We do not know the context. Our perspective is too narrow for judgment. Love is not a simple feeling.
Love is a practice. For example, why do we love our parents/guardians? They are the ones that have always been there for us, from basic needs to mental well-being. They know who we are better than we know ourselves. They’ve given us tough lessons and great support. Our relationship with them has evolved over the years. This is a different kind of love, but I think the concept is transferable.
Why do we love our friends? For the same reasons, of course. They are our support and sometimes a source of tough love. Our relationship with friends evolves too. It begins with fun adventures, moves to rocky roads, to understanding one another, to relaxed hangouts and so on. Our appreciation and understanding deepen as time moves on.
So why do we love our significant others? At first was attraction and romance, but what has kept the relationship going? The answer lies within the couple in question. Every relationship is set around a specific set of circumstances and built upon by individuals with different experiences and emotions. The intricacies of relationships cannot lead to a simple answer. The happy couple that showers each other in affection and gifts have known isolation and under-appreciation. The elderly couple you see still holding hands have gone through a lifetime of hardship. To romanticize someone’s relationship based upon what you see is to simplify it. To simplify a practice skews the meaning of it. Would you simplify quilting to simply needle and thread? To condense this art to the sights you see is foolish. There is much more at work than you realize. So too, is condensing love; a testament to the naivety of this generation.
Furthermore, I find this way of thinking to go hand in hand with the relationships we have now. There is a longing for good old fashioned, lasting love yet people are not willing to put in the good old fashioned, hard work to achieve it. When troubles arise, people don’t deal with them. They distract themselves. Or they completely walk away. In some cases, this may be necessary, but for most relationships trouble is a chance to evolve. To deny that chance is to refuse growth. If you refuse to grow in a relationship, you have doomed yourself to immaturity.
Love is endurance. Love is evolution. Love is real. Cast away the words you see and hear romanticizing love because they are not accurate. YOU decide what love is based upon the relationships you create, be they unconditional, intimate or friendly. When you create love, you don’t just feel it. Time allows us the opportunity to practice it.
