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The Ruttle Report - If I Had a Million Dollars...

Canadian music group the Barenaked Ladies sang on their debut album back in 1992 that, “If I had a million dooooolllllaaarrrrsss, I’d be rich”. Now, I’m sure that in the early 90’s Canadian economy, a million dollars was a lot of money.

Canadian music group the Barenaked Ladies sang on their debut album back in 1992 that, “If I had a million dooooolllllaaarrrrsss, I’d be rich”.

Now, I’m sure that in the early 90’s Canadian economy, a million dollars was a lot of money.  Heck, even today, if it was invested right and you knew what you were doing, you could make a million dollars go a nice distance.

But like everything these days, especially with the new PST increase, it costs more to simply live your life in 2017, so what if you had more than a million?  What if you had $10 million?  Or maybe you struck gold with one of those Lotto Max $40-50 million jackpots?

My dad was a serious Lotto 6-49 player; if there was ever a man who deserved to win one of those weeks, it was Jack Ruttle.  These days, I myself will pick up a ticket if I hear that the jackpot is huge, but no millions for me just yet.

But what if I *did* win?  What if I took my ticket in to the D&E in town, ran it under that scanner, and I heard the bells go off to signify that I was now in a whole new tax bracket?  Well, let’s look into the crystal ball together, shall we?

The following would be the things I would do/buy if I became a multimillionaire.  Some are legitimate, some are jokes, and have fun deciphering which is which:

1.  The Batmobile.  Enough said.

2.  The new swimming pool in Outlook would be paid off, and a blank cheque would be made available to ensure the SkyTrail would be repaired, upgraded, and allowed to reopen again.  “You’re welcome, Outlook,” said Ruttle, only dreaming and totally not a millionaire.

3.  Large annual donations to a large handful of animal shelters and organizations.  I’m a sucker for things with four legs.

4.  I'd go find the biggest, baddest mixed martial arts fighter there ever is and slap him right in the face.  The ensuing beat-down and numerous broken bones, resulting in costly medical procedures and bills wouldn't be much of a worry, what with the large bank account and everything.

5.  I'd organize a giant street dance somewhere, and I'd even foot the bill to bring some notable music groups to perform onstage.

6.  My favorite spot in the province is Candle Lake, so I'd design and custom-build a dream house up there, preferably on a lot overlooking the lake to the west because that view produces some of the best sunsets I've ever seen.

7.  Animals, and lots of them.  Dogs, horses, ducks, you name it.  An elephant?  I wouldn't say no to the proposition; I mean, I'm *rich*, aren't I?

8.  I'd travel.  I don't do it often, and probably not nearly enough.  I've always wanted to experience New Orleans, and check out other American cities such as Boston, New York City and Chicago.  But other more international destinations would go on my list, too.  Australia, Africa, Ireland, Scotland, the possibilities really are endless, aren't they?

9.  I'd use my considerable monies and resulting influence to have more dogs elected as town mayors in random locations around both Canada and the United States.  Yes, I said "more" dogs.  There are actually one or two dogs who are the elected mayors of their respective communities.  I swear, it's true.  Google it!

10.  I'd stay the same person that a lot of people know.  You know how in movies and TV, when a person either becomes super rich or you see how celebrities live, it's all ridiculous mansions and a team of a dozen servants?  Or else they have a group of people just follow them around in some kind of entourage?  I've never understood that.  When money gets introduced into a situation, I just don't see why it should change you as a person.  If I had that kind of money, I'd still be the same Derek that people know.  Money equals greed in some circles, I guess.  I've never been greedy myself, and that wouldn't change if a lot more zeroes were introduced to my bank balance.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't wanna strike it rich with a lottery ticket, and I'm willing to bet many of you would be too.  The saying goes that "Money can't buy you happiness", but I happen to think that it CAN at least buy you peace of mind.  Credit card debt, vehicle or home payments, just imagine all of that gone with the ringing of a "You've Just Won!" bell.

In the end, I suppose hard work and saving to buy the things you want or do the things you wanna do is the true payoff in life.

But hey, a guy can dream, can't he?

For this week, that's been the Ruttle Report.

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