“You started it” was an often-used expression spoken by either my identical twin brother Kjell or me. We would get into a physical fight, which at times might have resembled a world championship title bout with no holds barred. Our father would separate us, and we had to sit on separate chairs to cool down. After the cool down period, we had to shake hands. It would be during this shake-hands act that one of us would ask the other, “what happened anyway?” The reply more often than not would be “I don’t know, you started it!
I recall a time when Kjell was visiting us when we lived in rural Alberta. Kjell and I, for kicks, dressed alike; same shirt, same pants and so on, looking very much identical, wearing the same style glasses and the hair done the same, and we drove to the West Edmonton Mall to have some fun and for Kjell to do some shopping.
I was sitting on a bench outside a men’s store while Kjell was in there looking at pants. I noticed that the cute female clerk who was serving him had a bit of a problem understanding his spoken Norse/English, so I decided to go in there and help him out. The clerk had her back to the door, and when Kjell saw me walking in, he asked the clerk if she had a belt that would go with the pants. The belt display was by the entrance, so the clerk said, “right over here,” and turned around. Kjell immediately ducked down behind the pant rack. She let out a small gasp when she saw me, turned and looked towards the pant rack, but Kjell was nowhere to be seen, so she turned back and with a puzzled expression on her face said, “How did you get over here so quick?” The clerk got very agitated, as she could not comprehend the situation, so Kjell stood up and confessed to our little prank, then he pointed at me and said, you started it!
Ole drove through a speed trap too fast and was pulled over by an RCMP officer. The officer motioned to Ole to roll down his window. The officer looked carefully at Ole and said, “Your eyes are a bit glassy, have you had a drink today?”
“No,” answered Ole while looking into the officers’ eyes. “Your eyes are glazed. Did you just come from Tim Hortons after having eaten a donut?”
“Are you attempting to joke with me?” asked the officer very sternly.
“Yes!” said Ole, “but you started it!”
Sven had just graduated as an engineering technician, and had responded to a position that had been advertised in the newspaper. He felt the interview was going really well. He had answered all the questions, and he thought he had aced the tests. The job interview was coming to an end, and the owner of the firm smiled and asked Sven, “What kind of salary are you looking for?”
“Well,” said Sven, while thoughtfully rubbing his chin. “Somewhere around $125,000 a year, with a good benefits package, and an expense account.”
The owner looked at Sven, smiled and said, “Well, how about a package of $150,000 annual wage, including five weeks paid vacation, accidental medical and full dental insurance, the company contributing $25,000 annually towards your RRSP, as well as a company matching retirement fund to 50 per cent of your salary. American Express, Visa and Master Card credit cards will be provided for you and an unlimited expense account. And of course, a company car leased for you every two years, like a top-of-the-line Audi or Mercedes.”
Sven sat up straight, and with a big smile he said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
The owner smiled back at Sven and replied with a sigh, “Yeah, but you started it!”
Knut was pulled over on the highway, and the RCMP officer asked him, “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Knut smiled and replied, “Because you were bored and wanted somebody to talk to?”
When Knut saw the officer’s cheeks turning red, and the glare in his eyes, he quickly said, “Hey! You started it!”
Ole and Sven had worked hard during the week, and now on a sunny Saturday afternoon they were driving Ole’s 10-year-old beat-up pick-up truck down a country road. Ole had grabbed two beers out of the backseat cooler, opened them and passed one to Sven. They were driving down the road sipping the bottles of Molson Canadian.
“Hey,” said Sven, “look up there ahead; it looks like the police have set up a check stop. We’re gonna be in big trouble for drinking these beers!”
“Don’t worry, Sven,” said Ole. “We’ll just pull over here and stop so we can finish our beers, then we’ll peel off the labels and stick them on our foreheads and throw the empty bottles under the seats.”
“Really?” asked Sven nervously. “How does that work?”
“Just do it, and then I’ll do the talking,” said Ole.
“OK,” said Sven, and they proceeded to finish their beers. They peeled the labels off the bottles and stuck them on their foreheads. When they reached the check stop, the officer with a stern look on his face looked them both over.
“Nice new truck,” said the officer sarcastically. “Have you boys been drinking?”
“No Sir!” said Ole while pointing to the labels. “We’re on the patch!”
“Are you joking with me?” asked the officer. “You started it!” said Ole.
