Among the advice that abounds for couples about to be married my favourite is an anecdote cautioning, “Don’t marry him until you see how he deals with a string of tangled Christmas lights.” Comedian Will Ferrell says, “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” At the heart is assessing how patient a person is in a situation that can easily become frustrating.
We see it all the time. Impatience surfaces and tempers simmer when confronted by circumstances we don’t like dealing with—however that looks for any one of us. Patience is a factor in our ability to tolerate delay or to wait without becoming annoyed or upset. When we don’t demonstrate patience the result can be less than satisfactory.
When I was learning how to bake I was excited to make my favorite chocolate cake while my parents were at a meeting. No sooner was the cake out of the oven when I realized they would be home soon and I was eager to show them the finished product. Demonstrating a complete lack of patience, I started icing it while it was still far too warm. You can guess the result. The icing completed melted and soaked right into the dessert, rendering it a mushy mess. This was just a cake. In other cases, lack of patience has far higher stakes.
A few years later I was a teenager with a job in a small family business out at the lake, about 20 minutes from where we lived. Due to inclement weather one Saturday the decision was made not to operate the paddleboat rentals we had. But later in the afternoon we got a call saying the weather had improved and the beach was now full of people. With my younger sister as the passenger, I was driving and wasn’t focused on the right thing. I was thinking about getting there as quickly as possible and as a result made a careless driving error causing a serious collision. My sister’s side of the car took the impact and I am extremely grateful she didn’t get hurt. The result of my impatience could have been much, much worse than the damage sustained by the vehicles.
Impatience has a cost, in property and possessions certainly, but also in our health. Stress, headaches and ulcers increase when we act impatiently, and our relationships suffer. On the other hand, patience slows us down and prioritizes our well-being. We are gentler to ourselves and kinder to others, and by not rushing or responding too quickly we reap the benefits. We spend money less hastily, act out less rashly, and are more likely to be people who gain positive reputations. Clearly, patience pays off. There’s more.
Being patient helps us focus on long-term goals, make better decisions, become better listeners, develop persistence and it allows for a more peaceful life. We can look to real life examples to see the profound effects of showing patience.
Chemist Stephanie Kwolek specialized in trying to create a material as hard as steel but considerably lighter. Ten years of experiments later (and after fellow chemists gave up) Kwolek created the first group of synthetic fibers known as Kevlar, a substance with vast applications from bulletproof vests to mooring lines to helmets, body armour, canoes, speed skating uniforms, tennis rackets, snare drums, brake pads, and more. Many industries have benefited and lives have been saved because of Kwolek’s patient perseverance in her quest.
Then there’s golfer Ryann O’Toole who had 228 starts before winning her first tournament—11 years after turning pro. Her patience allowed her to focus on fundamentals rather than becoming frustrated after many poor finishes or missing cuts along the way.
Of course one of the most notable examples comes in the form of Nelson Mandela who spent 27 years as a political prisoner in South Africa. His patience in staying true to his goals amidst such tremendous adversity led to bringing an end to Apartheid and his becoming South Africa’s first democratically elected president. He allowed the necessary time to pass to bring about change and said, “We should not let an illusion of urgency force us to make decisions before we are ready.”
Behavioral scientists say some of us are innately patient, and some of us are not. Yet whether we come by it easily or it’s something we need to develop, it is a strong force in determining how we will react to any given situation. The more we practice it the more we will be able to ensure our reactions are appropriate for whatever situation we may encounter.
Patient people are more kind, cooperative and selfless. They spend less money, follow through on goals, and have deeper and longer lasting relationships. Perhaps they know better than the rest of us that it is worth every effort to see that some really good things in life just might take more time. That’s my outlook.
