A nurse who has been answering mother's questions for more than 40 years will be sharing information from her recently released book, written especially for new and soon to be grandmothers, at an event in North Battleford Wednesday.
A grandmother herself, University of Saskatchewan College of Nursing associate professor Dr. Angela Bowen teaches obstetrics to nursing students. She thought her knowledge was extensive, but once her first grandbaby came home, she realized things are a lot different from when she first became a mother.
She will be reading from her book Today's Grandmother: Your Guide to the First Two Years Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Crandleberry's.
Today's Grandmother is the product of research and experience.
"If I can learn, others can too," says Bowen, who has two grandsons in Saskatoon where she lives and a step-grandson in Ontario.
There is evidence and theory in the books, she says, but it's really about how grandmas can support new moms with the realities of motherhood today. She addresses the questions about why things are different when it comes to sleeping position, breastfeeding and introducing solids, and new recommendations such as supervised tummy time. She explains where the recommendations come from, such as the World Health Organization and pediatric associations.
"I had to look up some of those things myself, so I thought it would be helpful to grandmas."
She hadn't seen any books on the shelves like it. So she decided to change that.
Her research included sending questionnaires out to new mothers, some who were doing well and others who were having trouble. Likewise, she sent questionnaires out to new grandmothers.
There are quotes and stories from those questionnaires in the book, plus some stories of her own.
The grandmother-mother relationship is a new and fragile one, says Bowen. Her book talks about trying to foster and support that relationship.
"Because they still look to you and role model you, but they are adults."
They are doing the things doctors and nurses are telling them and things they've researched themselves. Grandmas who don't keep up with what their children are doing are the ones who are getting in trouble, she said. Some grandparents aren't allowed to babysit the way they want, because they aren't following the parents' wishes.
"Mothers-in-law are particularly vulnerable to blowing it," says Bowen.
It comes through pretty clearly that there's often tension in the new mom-mother-in-law relationship.
"Especially if the wedding was stressful," she adds. "That's a good sign that you better watch what's happening there."
Bowen says a new baby is a chance to make things better between mothers-in-law and new moms. By making the baby the focus, instead of focusing on your own needs, the relationship can improve. Rather than just wanting to hold the baby, helping the mother with things such as laundry and housework so she can breastfeed more comfortably or get some needed sleep are the things new moms are saying they need.
"If they see you are trying to help them, not trying to be bossy, they really like that," says Bowen.
The author says she has had positive feed back from people who have tried it; it worked for them when there were stressors already in the relationship. It can work for great-grandmas, too, adds Bowen.
Bowen also says she's not ignoring grandfathers, but it is the grandmother who is usually the front-line person in the first months and first years.
"I've heard enough men say, 'I'm not changing diapers' or 'I've never changed a diaper,' that I knew that's not going to be my focus," she laughs.
Bowen decided to do a book reading in North Battleford at the suggestion of women she's worked with in the Prairie North Health Region. Bowen says she's been doing projects with KidsFirst and the region's maternal mental health committee for the last five years.
KidsFirst has been working to improve the health of the region's pregnant moms and post partum moms, and has also played a big part in the work of the maternal mental health committee, says Bowen, who has been involved in their projects as well.
"I work with the whole province and I must say Prairie North stands out for working intersectorially," says Bowen.
Today's Grandmother is available for purchase through www.Amazon.com and at McNally Robinson in Saskatoon and Winnipeg. Twenty-five percent of book sale proceeds go towards the Grandmothers to Grandmothers Campaign, Stephen Lewis Foundation. This is an organization of grandmothers who raise funds to support grandmothers in Africa who are raising their grandchildren orphaned by HIV/AIDS.
