He killed him, but he did not murder him.
That was the argument of Kevin Gregson, a former member of the RCMP who is on trial for murder in Ottawa, when he took the stand last week.
Gregson, 45, the man accused of murdering Const. Eric Czapnik of the Ottawa Police, was the only witness called by the defence at the trial.
"Eric Czapnik is dead. I killed him but I didn't murder him. I have waited two years, two months and eight days to tell you that," Gregson said on March 8.
Gregson, who was stationed in Humboldt from 2003 to 2005, is pleading not guilty to the first-degree murder of the Ottawa Police constable on December 29, 2009.
The jury listened to testimony described by Chris Cobb of the Ottawa Citizen as "an often rambling stream of consciousness, detailing his troubled RCMP career, the training that taught him to kill, a sexual relationship with his mother's hairdresser, his failed marriages, his three children, and the quality of lemon meringue pies at his local independent grocery store."
Gregson stated throughout his testimony, Cobb, reported, that "The police man I killed was a good man. I killed him, but I didn't murder him."
It was late in his three hours of testimony that Gregson finally spoke about his run-in with Czapnik in the parking lot of the Ottawa Civic hospital on December 29, an encounter that would leave Czapnik with a slashed jugular, a wound from which he would not recover.
The jury had already heard from the prosecution that Gregson was wearing two bulletproof vests, and was carrying two knives, a BB gun and handcuffs when he left his house that night.
His mission that night, Gregson claims, was to get a gun to take home and use to kill himself.
Gregson said he approached Czapnik's cruiser, where the constable was writing a report, brandishing a plastic gun. He ordered him out of the unlocked car.
"It's my fault," Gregson said. "I'm the one who took his life, but it's the first thing they teach you in the academy - to lock your doors."
Gregson ordered Czapnik to his knees, to put his hands in the air.
Gregson said Czapnik went for his gun and punched Gregson in the head with his left fist. Gregson jumped on top of him.
"My knife went up and boom, boom. I didn't do it intentionally. I wasn't thinking. It was all training. It was fast, fast," Gregson told the court.
"That's why I'm pleading not guilty. This should be just a manslaughter charge."
The intentional killing of a police officer during the course of his or her duties is automatically first-degree murder in Canada.
After stabbing Czapnik, Gregson was grabbed by a paramedic and held down.
Czapnik stood and ran into the Emergency Room for help.
"I stopped because Eric left and the gun was gone," Gregson said.
"I had another blade, but I'd stopped. I wasn't thinking straight. I felt nothing. I did it, but I didn't do it."
He reacted instinctively, he argued.
"I am lethal and effective."
Gregson told the court that he wore the bulletproof vests that night because he wanted to be in control of his own death.
Gregson had a troubled career with the RCMP, which eventually led to a desk job and finally being taken off the force in 2009. Gregson stated in his testimony that he was not formally removed from the force until a year after being arrested for Czapnik's murder.
Gregson was charged, but acquitted, after confronting a bishop of the Mormon church in Regina with a hunting knife.
His testimony, reporters stated, was delivery in a "fluid conversational manner, as if sitting and confiding with friends in a coffee shop or bar," said Cobb.
Gregson has also pled guilty to a charge of vehicle theft, stating in his testimony that he remembers little about stealing the car from two young people outside at a Tim Hortons.
He left his house and "The next thing I knew, I was driving a car," he told the court.
He claimed he got into the RCMP "on the Aboriginal ticket," even with a low exam mark of 60, because the force wanted Aboriginal officers.
Under cross examination on March 9, Gregson denied that his killing of Czapnik was a considered act.
"There wasn't a whole lot of thinking going on," he said.
He also denied that he stabbed Czapnik to get back at the Mounties.
Gregson stated that he had no memory of asking police about news coverage of the murder, or about the carjacking.
"I have a memory deficit," he said.
The prosecution argued that those deficits seem convenient, and pushed Gregson to explain why he left his house dressed all in black, with tape covering white lettering on his gloves.
"I like black. It goes with everything," he said.
Crown Prosecutor Brian Holowka suggested that the black outfit and bulletproof vests were a deliberate part of his plan.
"You knew it was going to end badly," Holowka is quoted as saying. "You would have to be violent to get a gun. You were expecting a police officer to shoot you."
Gregson agreed there was a possibility he would be shot.
Earlier in the week, Gregson was also accused of rape the night before Czapnik was killed.
A woman who cannot be named under a publication ban, stated that the night before Czapnik was killed, his ex-wife confronted him about an allegation that he raped a 10-year-old girl.
His ex-wife testified that when she told Gregson she was taking the girl to the hospital he suggested she take the girl to police, who could perform an examination with a rape kit.
These allegations are reportedly being dealt with separately.
Other testimony given by James Teather, a former Canadian military sniper, told the court that he and Gregson had both taken a course in body guarding in South Africa.
Teather set up a company intended to help military- and police-trained people find work in private security, and Gregson was one of his first clients. At first, he said, it seemed Gregson was "highly employable," but that later changed.
On March 7, the court watched the videotape from surveillance cameras in the hospital, which showed a bloodied Eric Czapnik running inside the emergency room, looking for help.
Minutes later on the tape, Gregson is led by police through the same doors.
A video of Gregson being interviewed by Det. Tim Hodgins of the Ottawa Police was shown, in which Gregson claims he had colloid cysts, tumours he says disappeared after a shunt was put into his head, making his brain like "Swiss cheese."
But diagnostic radiologist Dr. Michael Kingstone testified that Gregson did not have colloid cysts, but a condition that causes water on the brain, which is why the shunt was installed.
Water on the brain, testified neurosurgeon Dr. John Sinclair, who has treated Gregson since 2008, would not change someone's personality or make them more aggressive - something that Gregson suggested in the video.
The trial continued this week, with jury deliberations possibly beginning as early as Tuesday.
