There is a certain type of website saturating the Internet right now. You know the kind: stereotypical millennials posting their deep, navel-gazing thoughts about life, love, and their own existence. The two biggest are Elite Daily and Thought Catalog, but personal blogs like that are a dime a dozen.
And there are certain things that crop up again and again on these sites: social media and texting is ruining dating, and hookup culture is ruining dating. Every single one of those articles bothers me because they’re manufacturing problems that don’t exist organically.
I’m in a long distance relationship. My relationship is built on Skype calls, texting, and online chatting. I have never, ever run into any of the problems that millennial writers swear everyone experiences.
I am pro-texting. I do agree that some people need to get out of their phones once in awhile, but that’s their own fault; that’s not an inherent quality of being able to text. I am also pro-text because I have friends all over the province, in Alberta, and in Ontario. If I wasn’t able to use electronic communication, writing letters and making phone calls would be a full-time job for me.
However, older people and, apparently, the millennials who blog don’t agree with me. They swear thats technology is ruining dating and blah blah. Look, the problems laid out are not because of technology: it’s from people refusing to communicate or from people who are stupid. Don’t blame your poor phone, which has done nothing but serve you faithfully.
They say that people play games over text. They’ll wait before replying or they’ll deliberately use one fewer “X” than you in their signoff. And subsequently you’re supposed to freak out wondering what that person wants. Here’s a tip: if you don’t want to play games, and they do, either tell them straight up what you want or stop talking to them. It’s that easy.
Another point brought up is that you already know so much because you text all the time that there’s nothing else to talk about, which is the most baffling thing I have ever heard. If you somehow run out of things to say, you’ll do that by talking in person as easily as you would texting. If you have such a boring life that once you cover work/school/hobbies/family you have nothing else to say, that is your problem, and not the fault of texting.
And of course, the classic “People are always on their phones.” Again, that depends on the person. I am texting a lot, but if I’m at an event or a concert or something, generally I’m pretty in the moment. Because every person is different. Call out a person for always being on their phones if you want, but wanting to get rid of smartphones altogether is at best a band-aid solution.
Then there’s this terror of the hookup culture. Supposedly nowadays everybody between the ages of 18 and 28 is running around having one night stand after one night stand and not sending love letters or whatever. Then they go home and cry because they just want a great romance, but they can’t stop themselves from going out and having hookups. Or something like that. Apparently people aren’t in control of their hormones because of hookup culture.
Because everyone wants to (somehow) simultaneously avoid exclusivity and be in an exclusive relationship (because millennials, smartphones, social media, etc.), traditional dating is dead. You want to go out on a date? Too bad, you never will. And supposedly everyone is just bemoaning this fact, wishing they could have a romantic relationship, but knowing it is never to be because that’s just the world we live in now.
I’m not a huge social butterfly, but the majority of my friends are in long-term relationships or looking for something exclusive. If they’re not, who cares? I’ll let you all in on a little secret: there is no hookup culture. There is only personal preference. Some people want hookups, some people want relationships. You’ll always be able to find what you’re looking for. Romance is not dead, I promise you. You just have to find the right person.
And lastly, everyone is having a fit regarding labels. No one wants to commit anymore! No one wants to label anything! Do you want to label something? Then tell the other person that, or ask them where they think your relationship is going. If their desires don’t line up with yours, cut and run. Communication, communication, communication.
So if you’re having dating troubles, it is not the fault of your phone. It is probably your fault.
