For all the kids who went back to school this fall, dreading it, lift your head up. There's hope. It may take 20 years, but there's hope.
This past August I had the opportunity to take part in my 20-year high school reunion.
About 30 of the 260 or so graduates of the Yorkton Regional High School class of 1993 made the trek home. Some had never really left, or had returned and now call Yorkton home. Others travelled for countless hours, minivans full of kids, to reminisce.
I had been the person who got the ball rolling on our 10-year reunion. This time around, when our class president asked for me to get involved, I said I just wanted to attend.
There was a distinct difference between the 10-year and 20-year events. At the 10-year, I think some of the cliques and behaviours from high school were still present. But 10 years later, they were all gone. As far as I could see, everyone present was just happy to see everyone and all got along amazingly well.
While on our scavenger hunt, I had the shocking realization that I was precisely the same age my mother was when I graduated. It's all downhill from here now.
The next day I got an email that nearly knocked me out of my chair. It was from a girl I had a fair bit of interaction with in junior high and high school, and little of it was positive. We were rivals, and there was considerable animosity betwixt us. I guess I hadn't realized how much.
She wrote, "There was something I wanted to say to you at the reunion, but I felt the timing and tone of what I wanted to say was not right. This is something I have wanted to communicate to you for a long time now.
"We put you through hell in junior high. Every year that those anti-bullying campaigns come up, I think of you. I think to myself, there WAS someone who suffered from my behaviour at school. I like to think I wasn't a mean kid at school, BUT I WAS mean to YOU. For that, I wanted to tell you that I am sorry. For any pain and suffering I caused you because of thoughtless words or mean comments, for that I am sorry. Perhaps part of it was our competitive spirit, or that we really were much alike, but the abuse we put you through in junior high was absolutely unacceptable and uncalled for. I am so sorry for the part I played in that.
"Brian, I was genuinely delighted to see you at the reunion. I am so glad that you came. I realized in our conversations how much we really had in common at school. I think it is hilarious that we both had trouble with the university environment! Thank you for filling me in on all that you were up to. I am so happy that you have a loving family, a career that suits your talents and that you are healthy. Thank you for being kind to me. It shows what a big person you are."
Wow, how do you respond to that? As a writer, a short response for me is 1,200 words, and over the course of a week we exchanged several emails examining how, 24 years ago, we were the bane of each other's existence.
I don't like the characterization that I was a "victim," but we all knew that in the social strata of junior high and high school, I was treated near the bottom of the barrel. I think I "survived," if you want to call it that, because I have a pretty strong character.
It was particularly pertinent, I realized through our discourse, that her eight-year-old daughter was now experiencing many of the bullying troubles I had gone through, some of which was at her hands. I'm pretty sure that's what bothered her the most - what goes around seems to have come around, and that sucks.
She goes to her daughter's school to eat lunch with her so the girl doesn't endure the same horrible lunch hours I did. Whenever possible, I would bike, and eventually, drive home, so that I wouldn't end up eating alone, once again.
I expressed my concern for my son, going into Grade 1, who has a profound speech delay. One of these days it's going to paint a target on his back, I just know it.
She's actually taught her daughter to throw a punch if she needs to defend herself and stand her ground.
I emailed her the numerous columns I have written over the years on the subject, some of which didn't go over very well with the general populace. I got mountains of negative emails and letters to the editor on a column saying that bullying was human nature, and impossible to eradicate without eradicating people themselves. One nasty letter even came from the head of bullying.org, if you can believe. I felt bullied by the anti-bully crusader.
My junior high nemesis, the bully and the bullied as it were, and I came to a similar conclusions. She pointed out that her friend and partner-in-crime actually was the harsher one. By being friends with this third person, she was actually afforded a level of protection.
In the end, the things that we did as 14-year-olds seem to haunt us to this day. But thankfully, 20 years later, we all grew up. Too bad it couldn't have happened sooner, but at least it did happen.
So, for the kids having a rough time out there - remember, there is hope.
- Brian Zinchuk is editor of Pipeline News. He can be reached at [email protected].
