Census details released last week focusing on the family, show a rising number of Canadians are bypassing the altar and are opting for common law arrangements.
Since the last census the number of those cohabitating in what they term common law relationships rose by 13.9 per cent and now represent 16.7 per cent of Canadian families.
It's an interesting trend. As a young child I was aware a couple that lived on a farm just north of us was in a common law situation. It wasn't their choice, however. The woman had been married before and was not able to obtain a legal divorce from her husband. Many years later that man died and the couple immediately married. Her children were adopted by her husband and changed their surnames to his.
Now common law is, well, common. There are property laws protecting both parties in such arrangements and, unless you have deep religious convictions, the choice to not marry boils down to matter of choice.
That choice brings up some intriguing questions for a person who exchanged vows with her husband in 1981 and maintains her conviction to them all these years later.
One question is, how do you mark anniversaries? That might sound trivial, but anyone in a long-term marriage will tell you that the annual reaffirmation of dedication and devotion is a magical and necessary component of any solid relationship. The romantic may argue this can be done any day, and while that's true, there are also lives to live, obstacles to overcome and children to raise. The relationship sometimes gets lost in the shuffle. That annual check-in can set the relationship back on course while celebrating the triumph over trials of the year that was.
Another question is really a social one. Years ago when "living together" was completely frowned upon, my father, a witty man, had already identified a social stumble associated with the non-married who cohabitated. For married individuals it is easy to introduce someone as their wife, husband or spouse. In those days an introduction would go something like, "I'd like to meet Sonia, my um." So, that's what they became in our conversations, "ums." Later the term "near Mrs." evolved, but there was no counterpart for the "Mr."
Or course we are all familiar with the term "partner," but that always sounds like a business association to me. I'll get used to it.
To extrapolate this further, what do we call the individuals who live common law with our children? I've adopted the terms "almost son-in-law" and "almost daughter-in-law." Its cumbersome, but it works.
On the bright side, if no one ever officially ties the knot, I don't ever have to be anyone's mother-in-law! Just perhaps an "almost" mother-in-law.
