Over the past week, a few communities have gone through some pretty rough times. Quill Lake saw an armed robbery that left two men shot and wounded and Watrous is trying to reconcile an alleged extortion with a man whose company had just been awarded with a Tourism Saskatchewan award. But none of those even compare to the tragedy in Tisdale that left three children and their mother dead in a murder. How does a community get past something like that?
Tisdale is a town of fewer than 4,000 people. Most people will know almost everyone else. More than just the community, these events are going to change the lives of the families involved forever.
One of the saddest things about these crimes is not just the harm it does to the victims, but the harm it does to the families of both the victims and the perpetrator(s). Especially with events as viral as these, their lives have basically become akin to living in a fishbowl. For better or for worse, people will judge them. For the families of the victims, neighbours will pity them. When they walk into a store, people will look at them, people will whisper, and people will keep their distance. Why? Because it’s uncomfortable. Beyond saying, “I’m sorry for your loss” or “I was sorry to hear about what happened,” nobody knows what to say. They can’t continue with conversation as usual; that would be tactless. Joking around would be the height of rudeness. They can’t walk away or turn to someone else to chat; all of that would be considered insensitive.
Then there are the families of the perpetrators. They might even have it worse because although they didn’t commit the crime themselves, they might still feel the same guilt. They might feel like people are staring at them with accusatory eyes. Do people blame us, thinking we encouraged him to be that way? They might ask themselves. People around them might not even think that way, but their silence would promote that idea. After all, what can they say? These are their neighbours and friends, but suddenly it’s as if they’re strangers. What can be said? I’m sorry your husband/son/brother went out and shot someone? I’m sorry he was so messed up that he could kill three kids in cold blood?
These events will change the lives of everyone. People won’t be able to come home at the end of the day and feel safe. They’ll start looking at each other with suspicious eyes. Before, something as incomprehensible as murder in their own backyard was unthinkable. Sure, it happens in big cities, but not in small towns like Tisdale or Watrous or even Humboldt. Now that it has, it’s like no place is safe anymore.
But here’s the thing: events like what happened in Tisdale shouldn’t isolate people; they’re supposed to bring a community closer together. It’s an opportunity to take stock of the people around you and recognize those who are struggling and in need. Maybe they need a friend or maybe they just need someone to listen. The reverberating effects of a tragedy like this don’t have to be sorrowful. There is a silver lining.
And the families of the victims and even the perpetrators shouldn’t be stared at or shunned. Rather than eyeing those families, either in pity or accusation, go up to them, offer your sympathy, and then offer to be there if needed. Tell them you’re willing to listen if they want to talk. Stop by for a visit or just to chat a few more times a week. Basically, just treat them like normal, or even a little warmer. They shouldn’t be forced to live in a fishbowl. It may seem like they have an outpouring of support, but the problem with fishbowls is that even though everyone’s eyes are on them, nobody is in there with them.
