Over the last decades, nearly every jurisdiction at one point or another has discussed animal control laws and bylaws. They are often the most contentious pieces of legislation. Bring up a cat bylaw, and trust me, all the nutbars come out of the woodwork.
Aug. 5, a four-metre long python escaped its enclosure, slithered through heating ducts, and killed two boys, five and seven years old, in Campbellton, N.B. Expect that in the coming weeks and months this legislation will be revisited in many jurisdictions, with the specific intent on prohibiting African rock pythons, and likely every similar type of constrictor snake for good measure.
Several years ago I spent a fair bit of time covering North Battleford's animal protection bylaw. It took so long to get through council that it was not proclaimed until almost a year and a half after I ended my tenure as city hall reporter there.
That 2009-enacted bylaw took the route of trying to discourage exotic animals, including large snakes, by having a $250 annual registration fee and requiring the approval via a resolution of council on an individual basis. Every town and municipality who has enacted such bylaws have tried to find their own solution.
In the wake of the deaths of two boys, let me propose my own solution: get rid of them - all of them - with extreme prejudice. The federal government should do everyone a favour and simply ban them nationally, and order an execution of all existing stock.
There is absolutely no reason we need to be keeping exotic pets like pythons, boa constrictors, crocodiles, large cats (lions, tigers, leopards), gorillas, kangaroos, elephants, bears, seals, walruses and the like as domestic pets in this country. I didn't make up this list - it's just a partial listing of exotic animals that are covered in the North Battleford bylaw. Theoretically, if you can convince city council, and pay your annual $250 fee, you too could keep lions, tigers and bears (oh my!) in your home in North Battleford. I highly doubt council would allow it, but the possibility is still there.
Animals that can, and occasionally do, eat people, should simply be done for. Gone. So long.
Not included as exotic animals, but just as dangerous nonetheless, are feral dogs, especially on First Nations reserves. Every few years we hear of another attack by a pack of strays on a young child, either mauling them or killing them.
These strays are so commonplace, they were part of a skit on the aptly-named Dead Dog Café Comedy Hour on CBC Radio, which aired from 1997 to 2000. The dark-humour show by Aboriginal comedians once featured a skit in which they talked about things you see on a reserve - one of which was dogs, lots of dogs.
It may have been funny then, but with the rash of dog attacks since, the humour has waned.
Then there's the whole pit bull terrier situation. Their owners are as fierce as well, a pit bull, in their defence. True, not all pit bulls are dangerous, but it seems a very, very large number of dangerous dogs are pit bulls.
I hate the idea of a nanny state. But when our animals are killing our children, we don't need those animals any more. No one does.
You can get a box of 500 .22 shells at Canadian Tire for $31.49. That's a lot cheaper than the millions of dollars that will be spent across this country on thousands of municipal councils' time, legal opinions and all the other rigmarole in the aftermath of Campbellton. Legislate a ban on exotic animals and a cull on feral dogs federally, then hand out the ammunition.
If you want a snake wrapped around you, get a tattoo.
- Brian Zinchuk is editor of Pipeline News. He can be reached at [email protected].
