It starts at home next to the phone, as one waits for a call that confirms the safety of their friend or loved one, but sometimes that call never comes, and the impact can be devastating.
The resulting pain that people deal with in the aftermath is inexplicable, but it’s a combination of frustration and guilt, said Sylvia Keall, program consultant for families of missing persons and counsellor at the Greystone Bereavement Centre in Regina.
“For parents I often say, think about suddenly losing your child for two minutes at the mall,” Keall said. “That fear, that’s the kind of state of mind these people live with all the time, and it’s pretty draining.”
Keall spoke with the Mercury a few days prior to Missing Persons’ Week in Saskatchewan, which is from May 3 to 9, and said during the early stages of the support centre’s evolution, she interviewed several families to see if there was enough interest for counselling those with a missing person in their lives.
The result was an overwhelming yes, according to Keall.
“They all seemed to just want virtually anything. They were really desperate for some counselling support,” she said.
After retiring from her post as palliative co-ordinator for the Five Hills Health Region, Keall joined the Greystone Bereavement Centre. Following a partnership deal between Regina Palliative Care and the Ministry of Justice Victims Services branch, she submitted a background document on missing persons that highlighted various counselling needs people dealing with this scenario would require.
Keall was given the green light to proceed, and in December 2014, she began to offer counselling support out of the Greystone Bereavement Centre.
She discovered during her many conversations with clients, whom she can meet at specified locations outside of the centre or at the centre itself, the situations were different across the board, but their feelings were nearly identical.
Clients began to feel isolated as time went on with no news regarding the missing person in their lives available, their friends begin to find it difficult to provide meaningful support and drift away as a result.
“It’s very hard to get on with their life,” Keall said about her clients, adding the validation of a death would, at least, put their mind at ease.
The acknowledged support from the community and local law enforcement, however, is also a common theme with her clients.
“They always mention how the community helped with their financial matters, making posters and providing emotional support,” Keall said.
Sgt. Robin Zentner of the RCMP historical cases unit, agreed with the notion that the community response during missing persons cases is “incredible.”
“You have volunteers coming out of the woodwork to look for this person,” Zentner said.
Time, however, slowly drains the hope away, but even then the community rallies together to reignite the search on occasion.
“As our missing people continue to be missing for an extended period of time, I wouldn’t say the community forgets about them, but it potentially gets to a point where that missing person is brought back to the forefront through anniversaries or a special event,” Zentner said.
For members of law enforcement, like Zentner, who are heavily involved with missing persons cases on a regular basis, the frustration increases as weeks, months, and, at times, years go by without any breakthroughs. Close relationships form between officers and the missing person’s family during this time, and the frustration is taken to another level when a missing person case becomes a homicide case.
“In other cases where there are elements of suspicion, like the Courtney Struble case and others that we have, we know, for a fact, that there are people out there with information, but for a variety of reasons, that information does not make it to police,” Zentner said.
Courtney, who would now be 23, went missing in the early morning hours of July 9, 2004, after watching some movies with friends at the Estevan Veterinary Clinic. Her friends offered her a ride home just after midnight, but she decided to walk. She never made it home and has not been seen since. The case began as a missing person investigation, but by 2009, investigators believed that Courtney had been murdered.
Over the course of an investigation like Struble’s, the family often has to deal with rumours, speculation, and even lies, regarding the missing person in their lives, Zentner said.
These instances can trigger feelings of guilt and pain among family and friends, Keall said, causing them to relapse and isolate themselves, once again, from others who may want to help.
Other triggers include songs on the radio that have a meaningful connection to the missing person, pictures and even words, Keall said. The media appears to be the most difficult triggering mechanism to deal with for families, she said, as verified information comes forward, adding to the existing pressures coming from rumours and speculations.
It’s a delicate scenario to be involved in, admitted Keall, though she is learning something new every day.
“I was fortunate enough to go to some training session in the States to help me gain a better appreciation for what they’re going through and help them, but I am, by no means, an expert, and I learn the most from the people who are going through the experiences themselves,” she said.
Estevan police Chief Paul Ladouceur, said some misconceptions surrounding missing persons cases still exist.
“The search for a missing person begins immediately,” Ladouceur said, discrediting the myth that missing persons cases are only looked into after a 24-hour time period. “There have been drastic changes to how we approach missing persons.”
Missing persons investigations are often approached from an angle where the case is deemed suspicious until proven otherwise, an approach that was usually only taken with cases involving death.
“We always have to think dirty,” Ladouceur said. “If you talk to police here you’ll hear that word used a lot, and it’s how we approach every death investigation. Prove that this isn’t foul play, rather than do it the way it was done years ago, where you investigate until you can determine foul play was involved … you’re much more cautious when you approach it that way.”
The police chief encouraged the public to keep their eyes and ears open when a missing person has been reported.
“If you see that person, help your local police, help that family,” he said. “Don’t just glance over it and think the next person is going to make that call.”
