ESTEVAN - Peacekeeping veteran Allan Gervais of Estevan joined the Canadian Armed Forces in 1986.
He went through the basics in his trade training and was soon posted to Edmonton to a tactical helicopter squadron as an aero engine technician. He later became an aviation technician.
His military career took him to different parts of the world on peacekeeping and other missions.
"I think my first peacekeeping mission was in Haiti. And after that … we went to South America like Honduras, El Salvador, them areas. And then (we also) went to Bosnia, Somalia. We were also over in Norway. That wasn't peacekeeping, just a NATO training mission. And we were up near Trondheim," shared Gervais in an interview with the Mercury.
"When you went peacekeeping, you still kept the same job, your same rank, but you did do a bit more in the way of interacting with the public in your host country where you're a soldier first, you're a mechanic second. That's how it works. And when you're done your peacekeeping mission and you come back to Edmonton, your base unit, you just go about your normal day and do what we do during peacetime and then wait for the next mission to come up."
Gervais spent 10 years with the squadron in Edmonton and then he got posted to Cold Lake, Alta. While he said that he "didn't do much there," some experiences ended up being hard to forget even 20 years later.
"When 911 happened, I was working at, we called it missile maintenance. That's where we work on all the air-to-air missiles for aircraft. So, we were down in an area by ourselves, we had no communication with the rest of the base, because this is the way it is. And in our office, we had this little phone that never rings, ever. Unless something bad just happened," recalled Gervais.
"We were having coffee that morning and the phone rang and we all looked at it, and the warrant officer wasn't there. He is normally the guy that would answer it. It rang and it rang, and somebody said, 'Who's gonna get that?' He said (to me), 'Well, you're the next highest rank.' I go, 'Oh, God.' Picked it up. And then all we heard was how many missiles can you get out to the flight line now to arm the aircraft? And I thought, 'Well, you mean the dummy missiles?' 'No, the (real) ones.' Oh-oh, something's happened. That was probably the biggest thing that I did there."
The opportunity to see the world back in the 80s was something that in part attracted the young man to the military career, but it was far from being the only reason to choose this difficult walk of life.
"Ever since I was a young guy, I was always intrigued with it … And I was proud of being Canadian. I just wanted to see what it was like. And I enjoyed it. I don't know, just call of duty, I guess," Gervais said.
Peacekeeping wasn't his focus, but it was something the country called for at the time. They had time to get ready for going on missions, but some things they had to deal with were hard to prepare for. As one of his commanding officers put it, they were sent to "defend democracy, not practise it." They would help set elections or fulfill other duties as a part of UN missions alongside other international soldiers to allow for potential peaceful future development of the host county, but they couldn’t interfere with the ongoing conflicts.
"What they prepare you for was, 'Okay, we're going there, here are your rules of engagement. You can do this, you can do that.' You can't shoot anybody unless they shoot you first. And it was all kinds of rules that were hard to take," Gervais recalled.
"For example, if we were to watch somebody being … murdered or slaughtered, we'd have to watch it, but we couldn't do anything about it. That wasn't our job. That was tough. And that played a lot on your mind."
With a quiet and calm voice, he spoke about experiences that would break most people, and those strongly affected his life.
People in host countries would quickly learn the rules of engagement and knew how to go around them, often threatening the peacekeepers. The missions would last for six to eight months. While the rules made by the host country would change over time, Gervais said their hands were still tied, and a lot of things that they witnessed overseas on peacekeeping missions stayed with him and his friends forever.
While PTSD wasn't a big thing back then, later Gervais realized that it was corroding his life and the lives of many of his comrades.
"A few of the UN missions I went on, some of the things you see, you want to help a lot of times but you weren't allowed to, and that … that got to me. And so a lot of years after I got out of the military I was just dealing with that," Gervais said.
In the early 2000s, PTSD, surrounded by a lot of stigmas, was still relatively new, and a lot of help and treatment Gervais went through was almost experimental. Posttraumatic stress disorder cost him his marriage and several years of his life. The disease also claimed a number of his friends, and he said he was lucky to eventually get proper help and get through it.
"Back then a lot of people were afraid to talk about it, too … They just thought they drank a lot. And had nightmares and all this other stuff. I didn't understand PTSD and what it did and how it affected me and the family. I didn't know none of that. All I knew was I drank a lot. I had nightmares. And I was always on edge, and my mood changed. I just wasn't the same person as I was before, and that's when the marriage broke down."
Gervais said he learned a lot through his life experience. He overcame the addiction and got his life under control. While things are better these days, he says the past still comes back once in a while, but he knows how to deal with it now.
Although it was tough on him, the 20 years of military career also granted Gervais with one of the greatest gifts – the sense of belonging and brotherhood that probably only those who serve understand.
"I'd do it all again," Gervais said. "I miss the comradery of the military. Yeah, it was tough times, but you were there with a bunch of other people going through the same thing as you were. And we were really, really, really close. I missed the structure of it. I missed a lot of things about it. And there's a lot of things I don't like about it. But a lot of this stuff is in hindsight."
Gervais recently got involved with the Royal Canadian Legion Estevan branch to "give something back." His experience has proved that one of the main things is to acknowledge the problem, and the help will come.
"Don't be afraid to get out. Don't be afraid to speak up. One person told me, 'It's a dangerous place to go into your mind alone, bring somebody with you,'" Gervais shared.
Gervais said that he puts a bit different meaning into Remembrance Day, but it still remains a day to remember the sacrifices of those, serving the country, and a very meaningful time for him.
"If I can put it properly in a different light, I would like to turn Remembrance Day around and have the people here remember how good they have it in this country because I think they're starting to forget that a little bit. There are so many other issues out there these days that take precedence over Remembrance Day. A lot of people come up to me and they say, 'Well, thank you for your service.' They walk away and probably forget about it. And Remembrance Day for me now is to remember how bad things can get real quick if you're not careful," Gervais shared his vision.
"I've lost friends and I'd like to remember their sacrifice. A lot of people, they lost their families through that. There is a huge sacrifice that you get when you join the military," he added.
