I've been thinking about all the things I'd like to cut out of my life, in order to make it less stressful and just more enjoyable all around. Obviously if I really simplified things, I'd cut out everything except for eating and sleeping and continue my life in the perfect balance of the two things I love the most.
However, I think I'd eventually start to miss brutal traffic and dry-eyes, so I've settled on the most annoying issues that plague me. They need to be axed.
1) No more hair drying. If I had my way, I'd never dry my hair ever, ever again. And in the absence of my hot styling tools, my hair would actually look healthier and straighter and just better in general. This is my first demand.
2) No more exercise for fitness. If I want to exercise, I want to do it for fun and I want the results to be total toning. Sports, casual yoga classes with friends, shopping; these are all exercises I can really get behind. Anything further should be unnecessary.
3) No more washing dishes. Dishes should become recyclable or something, so I could toss them in a blue bin when they're dirty and have them carted away, only to be replaced by new clean ones. Never again would dishes need to pile up on my kitchen counters.
4) No more problems involving phones. All phone calls will be pleasant. All phone calls will be promptly returned. All conversations will be concise and easily understood. I will not grow a stomach ulcer as a result of these phone calls.
5) No more slices or snap hooks in my golf game. I want all shots to be predictable and awesome.
6) No more cavities. Plain and simple.
7) No more laundry. Like dishes, laundry should be easily and inexpensively replaced with no damage to the environment.
8) No more come backs. When I snap with a clever, well-thought out zinger of an insult, no one should be able to offer a response that is equally clever.
I'm not sure what I'd offer in exchange for all my wishes to be granted. But if someone approached me and agreed to make all or some of my problems disappear, I'd be willing to bargain - especially that hair drying one. That needs to be solved pronto.
Tonaya Marr realizes that she is being extremely whiny. Her problems are all minor, except for that potential ulcer. She should really see a doctor, or at least visit WebMD.com. If you have a solution to Tonaya's everyday issues, send her an e-mail at tonaya.marr@gmail.com or tweet her @Tonaya Marr.
