Looking back over this week and some of the events that have been in the news, I've been considering a very difficult issue. This decision could impact the rest of my life, or really anyone's life, and could be something I regret for as long as I live.
I'm questioning whether or not it's worth it to ever have children because currently, bringing kids into this world is unfair and cruel, and I can't bring myself to bring that kind of pain to anyone.
This is how I see it: I've always been athletic. I began skating, softball and soccer when I was really young, lacing up my first pair of skates (with Mom's help) when I was three. From there I progressed to softball, figure skating, volleyball and golf, and now that I'm ancient, women's soccer. Sports have always been important to me, and they're something that I always planned to pass on to offspring of my own someday. Some distant, distant day into the future when I'm less selfish and more interested in children as a whole.
And I've always figured that I'd end up with someone who also really dug sports and who also wanted kids who rocked at hockey, or football or even cheerleading, so long as they really, really loved it. (Though cheerleading would be a tough one for me to get into. But I guess my mom managed to, so maybe it's possible.)
I've always seen sports as a part of my life, gradually shifting from life as an athlete, to student-athlete, to recreational-athlete, and finally to the parent of an athlete. Being a hockey mom and driving a van full of disgusting hockey equipment and equally smelly pre-teen boys sounds like it could be fun. Especially because I wouldn't give up any of my bad driving habits and would horrify the passengers of my vehicle, while always arriving safely and on time.
But I'm wondering if this future that has always seemed like a pleasant, far-off goal, is not going to happen for me.
And while it is a factor in my decision, I'm not considering being childless because I refuse to put innocent children into the hands of coaches and adults who only seek to exploit and abuse them. Though obviously this is a factor.
I know, it can be argued that not all kids are harmed by their coaches. I'm a clear example of a kid who made it through numerous teams and just as many coaches completely unscathed, minus a few tears and an unfortunate habit of swearing like a sailor when I'm frustrated.
And there are lots of great things that can come from being a part of a team. Again, pulling from my own experiences, self-confidence, a sense of humour and competitive drive are just a few of the qualities a young athlete can pick up from being a teammate.
However, as we've learned, young athletes can also be taken advantage of. As has been reported in the news lately, several men have stepped forward to accuse Graham James of sexual abuse that occurred over the course of their young hockey careers. Each of these men has described the emptiness and loss brought on by years of James' abuse, and have spoken of how their years playing for James translated painfully into their adult lives.
These courageous men have stepped forward to protect future children from James and his abuse. They are educating the world on the power held by coaches, and the reality that this power can be twisted. They are great examples of all the best qualities of athletes, and should make any young woman like myself want to pop out a bunch of babies and strap them to a hockey stick and let them loose on the local outdoor rink.
And again, the reality of sexual abuse in youth sport teams isn't the reason behind my consideration.
I'm considering this decision because our Canadian justice system cannot be trusted to punish those responsible for endless years of pain, confusion and horror. Our justice system lets monsters walk away with only a slap on the wrist. Our justice system protects a monster's privacy from embarrassment and shame, despite the fact that monsters, like James, have left numerous children with nothing but embarrassment and shame. Our justice system pardoned Graham James after 18 months in his first sentence, and set him free. Our justice system requires James to serve only two years in prison for the acts that he has committed against an unknown number of young men. Our justice system has sex offenders across the country celebrating, because Tuesday, they emerged victorious.
No child of mine will be born into a Canada so disturbing. How could I bring innocence into a world where two years of a monster's life is all that is required after ruining the lives of so many?
I hope to never be so cruel.
You can e-mail Tonaya at tonaya.marr@gmail.com or send her a tweet @TonayaMarr. She'll get back to you.
