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Saskatchewan 101

Here's the problem as I see it. We've been getting a lot of newcomers to our province of late. So here's the plan.

Here's the problem as I see it. We've been getting a lot of newcomers to our province of late. So here's the plan. To become a verifiable citizen of Saskatchewan you are to be enrolled in Saskatchewan 101, the introductory course mandatory for anyone wishing to become a member of the rectangle province.We Saskatchewanians who were bred, born and raised here and spent at least 12 years of our childhood learning by osmosis, need not take the refresher course. Saskatchewanite or Saskatchewanian? You see, you've already grasped one of the first things you should know about Saskatchewan. We don't know what to call ourselves. But what is important is that we don't care and it doesn't matter. Call us what you want. So what is expected of a new Saskatchewan recruit? Well, Saskatchewan 101 will teach you that you are expected to help others. Simple enough you say? Well, you are not only expected to help others, but you are never, ever allowed to take yourself too seriously while doing so or while doing anything else. You're not that big of a deal, really, you're not! Saskatchewan thrives on self imposed humility. We're the best damn humble people in Canada and proud of it! Oxymoronic comments may be inserted here. Your classroom assignment before you get to be a full-fledged Saskatchewan person is to list three examples of when you performed a helpful task for others without making it an issue. Keep in mind that most verified Saskatchewanians can give you three instances where they've been assisted by someone else with no reward or thanks expected before noon-hour each day.Next requirement. No ostentatiousness. We hate that stuff. Be rich if you want, but don't flaunt. We hate flaunt. Just go to work, enjoy your life and help others. Requirement No. 4. Appreciate that which is around you. We're full of nature. You stop, see, feel, taste, listen, smell. If you don't, you'll miss Saskatchewan. No. 5. Be one with the weather. Don't fight it, meld into it. Adopt and adapt, otherwise is will drive you crazy. Talk about it all you want though. No. 6. You must learn to love newly arrived Newfoundlanders, be suspicious of newly arrived Ontarioians. They'll need time to figure it out. Please understand that while British Columbia is considered to be a part of the Western Canadian enclave, they are still kinda strange. We are comforted by the fact though that there are enough former Saskatchewanites living in B.C. to ensure that they won't fall off the ledge. Oh ya, no more Alberta envy. That is so 1995!Remember that Manitoba, like Newfoundland also "gets it" while Quebec, not so much. They are sorta like that crazy uncle who shows up at the Christmas table. No. 6. You must love hockey if you are to live here. No. 7. You must learn to drive on grid roads, preferably with a standard transmission truck. You must be able to discern the difference between wheat and barley. Beans and lentils won't come up until you reach the 300 level of study. No. 8. You are expected to say "hi" to whomever you are passing on the sidewalk, just in case you should know them. They might be your friend's grandmother's niece and if you didn't say hi, there could be complications. So just say hi and you're covered. If you want to mess with a New Yorker's mind smile and say hi. It'll drive them crazy! No. 9. You must love the Canadian Football League. You will be allowed to cheer for another CFL team for up to 18 months of your arrival on our soil. Sometime before that 18 month grace period, you will be required to switch your allegiance to the Saskatchewan Roughriders. (We are very short sighted on this subject. If you do not cheer for the Roughriders, your Saskatchewan citizenship rights can and will be revoked and you will be banished to the Hell that is known as Weyburn until such time as we can find another province willing to accept you and your imperfections). No. 10. Understand and appreciate the fact we were pioneered by well-meaning but imperfect people and that beat goes on. We may be riding high economically right now, but we're really not that super. We strive, we're proud, we no longer have to suffer derision from other provinces or regions and know we can forgive those from "outside" who still don't know what we're about. They are the stupid ones, love them from afar, but you don't have to say "hi"