By Max Himsl
The strange collection of individuals of the Art Farm 5 Board of Directors cannot help but be a puzzle for any rational observer. How could any such herd of cats possibly organize and operate an event like Art Farm 5?
Not unexpectedly, it turns out that the bulk of the useful work is actually performed by only a couple of mysterious figures, persons seldom seen by camera or in the light of day. Andria Brady, the flamboyant Wor-Kin Shop industrialist, has seen fit to offer her splendid talents in aid of Art Farm 5 by organizing the armies of volunteer labourers while Wanda Mclenaghan, a sweet and gentle grandmother, has found herself tasked with amusing the bright, inquisitive little moppets of the Art Farm patrons.
In spite of the hair-raising responsibilities of their positions both women display enormous calm and do not react with alarm even when someone spills a can of paint or misspells a word on a sign. The word “saintly” seems to surround the two women, like a faintly glowing nimbus, as we settle around a table to chat. It seems incomprehensible that two such respectable women would involve themselves with such a dubious enterprise.
“So tell me, ladies, who are you trying to help?”
“I am trying to help all the lost souls,” says Andria, her jewelry tinkling as she strokes an artfully errant wisp of hair with a perfectly manicured nail. “You know, the wretched creatures that start a project and forget all their responsibilities for their families, jobs and personal hygiene. You can’t help but feel the need to offer a helping hand.”
Wanda’s head bobs vigorously, dreadlocks flying so she looks like a startled octopus. “It’s true. They were desperate. It was so sad to see grown adults begging on the street like that, crying for help to people passing by. I thought that the least I could do would be to make sure their poor, neglected children were taken care of.”
“What do you do for Art Farm?”
Wanda smiles brightly and clasps her hands together, struggling to contain her excitement. “I’m planning to build a full-sized house made entirely from gingerbread, filled with every kind of candy, cookie and cake and I’ll invite all the children to eat as much as they want while I prepare the roasting oven. Doesn’t that sound like fun?” She pats me gently on the back until the choking fit passes. I look at Andria, hopefully.
She sits back, primly, adjusts a glittering ring and folds her hands on the table. “Nothing. I tell a lot of other people to do things but my most important duty is to actually take credit for things. Well, someone has to do it.”
“When is the best time to ask you for help?”
“Everyone is different,” says Andria. “Personally, I like to ask about 15 minutes before lunch so I can get away early and avoid the lineup at the restaraunt.”
Wanda rocks back and forth and smiles, obviously pleased at the question. “Oh, I’m always available. Evening and weekend rates apply.”
“Where do you find the time and energy?”
“I’m retired,” says Wanda. “I have a lot of time on my hands and I’m afraid, sometimes, that if I’m not careful I might wind up like those poor artists. Better to help on the fringe than get too deeply involved.”
“Oh it’s a simple trick taught to every first year management student,” says Andria dismissively. “I drink a lot of coffee, as much as four litres per day, and never, ever sleep. Studies have conclusively proved that you can never make as much money or get as many things done when you are sleeping as when you are awake.”
“Why did you get involved?”
For the first time the two women show displeasure. “I wasn’t given a choice,” says Wanda. “These four hulking artists showed up and crowded around me and told me it would be best for my health if I ‘displayed some community spirit,’ as they put it. What was I supposed to do?”
Andria nods in sympathetic agreement. “That Heather woman threw some ninja move on me, pinned me up against the wall with my arm twisted up behind my back and threatened she would paint an unflattering portrait of me. I had no choice either.”
Art Farm 5 will be held at the van der Breggen farm on Saturday, June 10 from noon until 7 p.m. Admission is $4 with children ages six and under free.
