Saskatchewan’s worst columnist is back for another swing at a pitch outside the strike zone. Why not?
There is just too much crazy stuff going on that requires commentary, I can’t resist.
Last week there was a headline in a daily newspaper and on radio and TV stating that Canada’s ill-fated submarines were now outfitted and doing duty.
Wrong.
Only one of the four discount subs our navy purchased used from Britain 20 years ago is on duty. One went down to the ocean floor years ago, and almost didn’t get back up. It was a substandard sub. I’m sure if it hadn’t been staffed by a few sailors, our navy would have just as soon left it down there. But alas, the boat that wouldn’t float, or sink, is back in familiar dry dock. The other two are nearly ready after two decades and one fire.
We have the HMCS Victoria, plying the seas, oceans or lagoons on our behalf. Flying the Canadian flag underwater.
These four fractured subs with screen doors cost Canadian taxpayers $890 million nearly 20 years ago and I’m sure we’ve spent triple that amount trying to get them to work.
Apparently these dreaded non-dreadnoughts are super efficient when it comes to diving but surfacing is one logistical maneuver that seems beyond their scope (pardon that bad pun). I’m sure the Canadian navy is a great source of merriment in Britain’s shipyards.
I have a bad idea. Why not use the three non-floaters for parts, and see if we can keep the Victoria operational for 30 days.
I really do worry about our military’s procurement record. These guys are now arguing about what kind of fighter planes we need to buy. This discussion has been ongoing for 12 years.
We also need helicopters … badly, but not bad helicopters. None of those on the immediate horizon for the same reason … too many politicians and military experts involved. End result? No decision and old planes.
On to our second topic of the day, dear diary. If you’ve made it this far, Saskatchewan’s worst columnist thanks you for your loyalty.
On my favourite radio station the other day they were talking about annoying noises we encounter.
The call-in and text folks mentioned such things as people chewing with their mouths open. That’s a terrible sound.
Fortunately, that old annoying sound of fingernails on blackboards is gone, because blackboards are gone.
The two most annoying noises for me are Buck Martinez and squeaky guitars.
Martinez is the play-by-play guy for the Blue Jays on TV. Therefore, I cannot watch a Jays game on television. I tried muting, but we all know that while watching a baseball game, you have a tendency to go do other things while listening, and then racing to the set to catch the re-play. If you mute the nasal infested Buck, you lose that advantage, so, I don’t watch (listen to) Blue Jays’ games. But, it’s not Buck’s fault he has a bagpipe voice.
Squeaky guitars? I’m not a guitarist so I’m not sure what goes on, but some very good players squeak away during chord changes as they slide fingers into different positions on the guitar neck. Most good players don’t squeak. A squeaky guitar drives me away. If squeak guitarist is performing at a music festival, I can find relief in the beer tent. If it’s in a concert venue, I’m afraid I have to take a very long bathroom break.
What noises drive you crazy dear diary?
