I’m going to venture out on a limb here and delve into one of our most consistent character building areas with our own children.
I feel like I was well into adulthood when I started fully taking responsibility for my own feelings and reactions to things, and not allowing circumstances to determine my mood, my behaviour or my peace. If we can instil that foundation in our children at a young age, they will be so much better equipped to be thriving adults.
Teaching our kids that they are in control of themselves is not a one-stop lesson. It is a daily reinforcement that takes time, intention and a whole lot of modelling.
Have you ever heard your child wail “You’re making me cry!” or “You’re making want to throw this toy because I’m so mad!”? In our home, one simple step is correcting the language we use to communicate because “out of the heart the mouth speaks.”
It’s in these times that we have to gently remind them, “I understand you’re sad (mad) but I am not making you do anything. You get to choose your reaction. You get to choose your words and your behaviour.”
This also means the next time somebody cuts you off in traffic, we need to model getting to choose healthy responses. Somebody else’s poor choice does not force us to get super agitated or angry, and it’s even helpful to vocalize your internal process so your kids can see how you choose your behaviour.
It might look like “Wow, that was not a good choice to drive like that. I’m glad we’re OK. I feel frustrated with that situation but I’m going to take a deep breath and let it go.”
I understand that when situations arise they can trigger our feelings, and feelings feel very real and like they should be acted on. Feelings add much to our lives but they aren’t always reliable. Learning to examine our feelings and choose our actions and even thoughts will serve all of us well as we do this thing called life.
