For those who don't know, throw pillows are those pointless little pillows that sit on beds, couches, chairs, window seats and basically any location where a person could relax in comfort for a period of time.
Throw pillows are intended to give the illusion of comfort. If you stack 50 on your bed, your bed transforms from an ordinary place of rest to a supposed mountain of fluffy comfort. It's difficult to resist the desire to throw oneself onto a bed of throw pillows, similar to how it's impossible not to want to play in a pile of leaves, or splash around in puddles.
However, throw pillows are dangerous. And pretty freakin' useless.
Consider: Are throw pillows actually comfy? No. Throw pillows are the high heels of the pillow world. High heels make your legs look thin, long and sexy, while throw pillows make your bed look like a feather-filled dream. Neither heels nor throw pillows are comfortable though, and they often leave you filled with regret and unexpected pain. Plus they're an illusion: Your legs aren't that skinny and your bed is pretty average, I'm guessing.
Also like heels, the nicer a throw pillow looks, the lower the comfort level. I've launched myself onto a comfy looking bed, only to be jabbed in the eyes by beads sewn onto throw pillows, or have my skin brutally torn away by sequins.
Throw pillows are like a mirage in the desert, providing you with an imagined comfort that disappears when faced with the truth.
Another simile: Throw pillows are like that guy/girl across the room that you've never met. Good from far, but far from good.
So people buy dozens of throw pillows at inflated prices to stack whimsically around their houses. They cover their sofas and beds with them, and they look pretty and decorative. But what happens when you want to use that sofa, or sleep in that bed? The throw pillows are tossed onto the floor. They're discarded, and so make rooms look cluttered. And then the pillows get dirty, only to be placed back on the beds and sofas once they are no longer being used.
It's a vicious cycle, and it's time to stop. Don't we have better things to spend our money on that four-cornered false-front of doom? Is it time to demand real comfort instead of mass-produced monstrosities that serve no real purpose?
It's time to take a stand - who's with me?
Tonaya Marr wonders if this might be her most random column yet. If you want to weigh in, send Tonaya an e-mail at [email protected] or send her a tweet @TonayaMarr.
