Meeting people is an experience that some dread and others relish.
There is a certain amount of uncertainty that comes with meeting people and while some are comfortable to just be who they are all the time during the encounter, others, myself included, make an attempt to be what we consider "normal."
Now, I'm not the biggest antisocial weirdo out there like an infant making strange of strangers, but I'm still compelled to suppress some of my behaviours around new people, all in the name of appearing normal. It's not that I'm overly concerned about hitting it off with every new person I meet, but there are different versions of me, like I think there are with all people, and I try to pair the version of me that best suits this stranger, like pairing the proper wine with an appropriate cheese.
I try not to think of it as manipulation, but I think it stems from training as a reporter, where you meet lots of new people and then have to encourage them to open up to you and ask them to tell you some very personal things at times. That sounds a lot like manipulation to me, no matter how sincere I try to be.
Of course, all the versions of ourselves are still us, but if I don't know how someone will react to my sarcastic side, perhaps the most difficult to suppress, I try to play it straight until I know I can get away with a little sass. Some people don't like swearing, my mom included, so I may try to keep the potty mouth under some form of parental control.
It's less an effort to hide who I am from someone and more an attempt to make everyone feel comfortable. I'd rather give myself a tight leash and let it out slowly than to have to pull it back with a quick snap.
Last week, my girlfriend's parents were visiting, and yes, it marked the first time meeting the pair.
It didn't bring on any crippling sense of anxiety, but decisions did have to be made. Which version of me would fit best with their personalities? Which quirks need to be hid, in fear I offend their delicate sensibilities?
There's nothing wrong with playing it safe. It's not exactly lying about yourself, if that version of you is, in fact, an accurate representation.
As a relatively self-aware individual, I know I can be brash, loud and inadvertently offensive at times. If that person fits within the group then it works, but if you're trying find a harmonious balance to develop a relationship, it may be necessary to switch on some sweet charm with careful flattery. Holden Caulfield would be shouting "phony" in my face at this point.
After initial introductions, which I have found to be least awkward if I just ask if people want hugs, and a little bit of chitchat, then it's time to mould my personality. Sure the meek, respectful young man with a charm best described as awkward is fine for a time, but then everyone gets a little more comfortable with one another.
Maybe a slightly off-colour joke or hearty ribbing can be tolerated if it's tasteful enough. As long as the landing is stuck and everyone has a good laugh, perhaps it's then time to really be me.
