It was a little over two weeks ago, when I knew. Funny thing is, I needed someone else to confirm it before I believed it.
I was at my son's provincial hockey game when it happened. I don't know if there is a hockey Mom out there who hasn't felt the way I did that night. We all know the feeling. The awful, cringe, ‘oh that doesn't look good’, panic kind of feeling when any player gets hurt, let alone yours.
My son had hit the boards in a way that I knew he was not coming out in exactly the same shape he went into them. After a few minutes and one more stubborn attempt at another shift, it was clear that the game was over for him that night. He had hurt his wrist. Sprained, cracked or perhaps even broken? Who knew? Well actually, I did. Deep down, I knew that he wasn't faking it. Deep down, I knew that he wasn't being a "suck". Deep down, I knew there was nothing more that he wanted to do than go back out on that ice and play the rest of the game.
How did I know? I refer to it as the sixth sense. I think everyone has it, but I find that Moms are especially good at tuning into it. You can't taste, touch, hear, smell or see it, but it is there. You feel it. It is a sense of knowing. Despite this, under the pressure, I second guessed myself. So we delayed taking him to the hospital and ‘waited it out’.
The funny thing about knowing is that it doesn't go away. It keeps bugging you. Trying to get you to listen to that gut feeling. So, I took him to the doctor, who insisted that it was simply sprained and no x-ray was necessary. Again, I knew it was more than that, but I didn't want to kick up a fuss.
A week went by and I decided that an x-ray WAS in order, and besides, what could it hurt to be sure. The young x-ray technician (who was closer to my son’s age than mine) gave me the “Oh, here is another one of THOSE Moms” kind of look.
To be honest, I was starting to wonder the same thing myself. So, the x-ray was sent away over the weekend and I didn't worry anymore. Then came the phone call. The message went like this, “Hi. We are calling in regards to the x-ray results for Jaxon. He will need to come in. His wrist is fractured and he will require a cast for one month.”
There it was. The answer I knew all along. Not only did the doctor confirm what I knew about my son’s wrist but she confirmed what I had known all along. I have 12 years of experience with this boy. I have experienced all of his bumps, scrapes, bruises and breaks. With that experience, comes a knowing. I know when something is wrong. I can't explain it or prove it for you, it just is. I knew it. No more doubting. If you don't believe yourself, who will?
