It's been a couple of months now that I've been living with dozens of ants. To summarize really quickly, it started off as a small problem, then expanded across my apartment, and then exterminators came in. It's been close to three weeks since my apartment was dusted with ant poison, and things have certainly changed around here. For one, I'm seeing way more ants than I used to. They're seriously everywhere. But, unlike before, the ants are mostly dead.
That's right, folks, I'm living in what is essentially a tomb for ants.
It's pretty gross, constantly having to weave my way across the floor because it's scattered with ant carcasses. But I've come up with a list of reasons why my current insect problem isn't so bad.
1) I have to vacuum a lot to stay on top of the mess, so my apartment is super clean. Sure, there are more dead ants that I'm able to keep up with, but other than that, the floor in my apartment is intensely clean. The carpet seems to be looking increasingly worn out, but that makes sense considering I'm vacuuming almost daily.
2) Ants are pretty little, so they could be confused as dirt. Imagine if I had piles of dead cockroaches instead of ants? Those things are big and extra nasty, while ants are so tiny I'm not extremely grossed out when I have to clean them up.
3) I can't keep sugar in my apartment, so my diet is healthier. Everyone knows that sugar is terrible for humans, and because I know exposing the remaining living ants to sugar would bring on a new colony, I'm eating pretty clean. Minus, of course, the chocolate mini eggs I enjoyed yesterday. But their container was resealable and totally appropriate for watching The Bachelor finale.
4) I'm only living here for six more weeks. Once the end of April rolls around, I'm going to get as far away from this place as possible. A new condo has been selected, and from what I can tell, it's pretty pest-free. The ant infestation will be staying behind, while I move on to bigger and better things.
I've spent a lot of time complaining about this everlasting ant issue, but it's nice to reflect on the positive things. Obviously, the ants have caused me a lot of stress and just general sadness, but it has also been an educational experience. I've learned that ants must be crushed when first spotted. I've learned never to leave dirty dishes out. And I've learned that all "get rid of ants naturally" solutions are a hoax. Call an exterminator and get it over with.
Tonaya Marr watched an ant crawl along one of the baseboards in her living room while she wrote this. Despite what this column said about the positive side of living with ants, there is no such thing as a positive side. Ants are the worst. To reach Tonaya, send her an e-mail at [email protected] or tweet her @TonayaMarr.
