I read a statement recently that said, “I totally believe that questions should be the sixth love language.”
Immediately I emphatically agreed and shared the post on social media, my mind ringing with “Yes! Yes! Yes! Someone else thinks like me!”
Over the past few years, questions have become something I have been intentional to take note of, and to further develop in my relationship building skills. It’s been so interesting to me to see how, when and where we lack in asking questions and where we thrive.
There have been times where I come away from a long conversation and feel “off” or that it missed the mark. Often if I take the time to look at it, I find it’s because the other person didn’t ask one question of me the entire time.
That means it that it was totally up to one person to drive the entire conversation. It left me feeling like I learned a lot about them but I walked away feeling a bit unknown.
The skill of asking good questions is absolutely foundational in building relationships. There are times when I can get caught up sharing about something I’m excited about, but I’ve made it a goal to inject quality questions into the conversations I have with others. Questions make people feel valued and that you care to know more about them. The bonus is that you actually do get to know more about them.
Recently I’ve purposed to build these skill sets in my children. We sit around and I ask them to ask myself or their sibling a question that does not allow a yes or no answer, and then ask a follow up question on the same topic. This helps them learn to go deeper (and also to avoid interrogating people).
I love that their faces light up at being asked thoughtful questions. I love to see how they are learning to care about people’s answers and seeing it as a tool to actually deepen connection and know people better.
