You know the game is important if we're willing to get up at 5:30 a.m. on a Sunday to watch it and government temporarily wiggles laws to allow bars to open really, really early to accommodate the fans.
I just hope the bars paid their cleaning staff a bonus. Can you imagine, cleaning up after the Saturday night crowd and getting done just in time to clean up after the early Sunday party hearty teams?
The Winter Olympics are over, and we get to ignore luge riders for four more years.
There were quite a few new events, or tweaks added to old events, at this year's Sochi slough games.
But, not enough for my liking. I want to see even more.
I want the mogul, half-pipe giant slalom onto full pipe, quarter pipe. Try that Mark McMorris.
Who can skate backwards the fastest? I need to know.
What about biathlon with one ski, one snowshoe and you throw snowballs instead of shooting bullets.
How about that ice crush stuff downhill skating, that looks like fun on those beer commercials.
I want ski cross with crossed skis.
I want a six-person toboggan race uphill.
How about a luge-skeleton race with the riders wearing parkas and blindfolds?
Bobsleighs pulled by bobtailed nags just like in the song.
I demand a snowboard, skateboard, wakeboard smash up final. OK, they could have done a wakeboard thing in Vancouver and Sochi, but maybe they couldn't do it all the time.
I need to know who is the quickest, fastest, strongest snow shoveller. We could have three divisions. There would be traditional scoop, push and power blower.
Where were the snowmobiles, those NASCAR-like wildlife destroyers? We need them at the winter games.
We need a co-ed two person bobsleigh competition. Man driving, woman nagging and braking. If that's successful, then the second year we could have them switch positions halfway down the course just like they do on the highway. You don't like my driving? Then you drive, dumbass!
How about some freestyle curling? Extra points for best yelling skip and best grunting brusher.
Then we could have my most favourite winter games event, the snooker, darts and beer gardens triathlon. I'm certain Saskatchewan could produce an Olympic worthy representative. Run to the bar, down a pint in front of a timekeeper, race on to the snooker table, take a shot while unholstering a dart, fire the dart in close proximity to a dart board and repeat until you start hurling the six-ball at the dart board and the darts at the bartender. The first person to sink the most snooker balls and score the most points before the bathroom break wins the qualification round and advances to the finals against Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan who will automatically be representing the United States.
And that, dear diary, is what I was thinking about this week. Kind of sad isn't it?
