If you thought the office party was a time to relax, then you're wrong. It's a time to be vigilant, paranoid and in bed respectably by 10:30.
It's the holiday season, so everybody is in the midst of coping with the office Christmas party. The decorum that is required at these social, yet professional, outings is very closely observed by some.
I stumbled across some stories, videos and conversations about office party etiquette well after our office held ours. Some of these rules or more like guidelines and have to be considered within the context of your own work situation. Some workplaces are stricter than others when it comes to these outings. The one rule that isn't a guideline is attendance. These functions are mandatory and never to be trifled with.
The two most common missteps at the office party are reportedly drinking too much (who could have guessed?) and flirting with a co-worker or co-worker's better half.
I'll remember in the future that no matter how dapper the sales girls' husbands look, they are strictly off limits, even if they've popped that top button.
There are other things you should never do at the annual let-your-hair-down.
Start by showing up late, fashionably so, because showing up first is the first step to a demotion. Somebody must be first, but don't let that be you.
Don't get into a physical confrontation with your female co-workers. You will lose, and then you will cry. That one's straight from me. Follow it to the letter.
Some other notes of advice I've found include not wearing clothes to the office party that you wouldn't to the office. I wore a tie, something I perhaps would wear to work but definitely never have, so maybe I overdid it and embarrassed myself. Maybe I made everybody else uncomfortable with my impressive display of neck accessorizing.
Or maybe that suggestion is directed more specifically at the ladies.
When they say don't let your guard down, they don't mean to be on the look out for a sales girl waiting to put you into a crippling leg lock. They mean don't reveal to everybody that time you did something that I'm not allowed to write about in this space. Use your imagination and you'll see that would be a bad idea.
But don't let a sales girl get you into a leg lock. Make sure you have eyes on your five and seven o'clock at all times. They come from the back corners and low.
The party is also an opportunity to impress the boss if you don't impress the big man or woman enough on a daily basis. I spend five days every week trying to impress and flatter, so not all of us need further opportunities to get on the good side of our superiors, department heads and big wigs.
The office party experts also suggest that you look like you're having fun even if you're not.
There's apparently no better way to demonstrate this than to leave early, fashionably early, which is the final suggestion they have for workplace-party survival.
If you want to survive the office Christmas party, don't drink too much, keep your eyes and hands to yourself, be wary of the surprise leg lock, butter up your boss and leave as early as you can as long as it's not first. Otherwise just try to have a good time. It's Christmas after all.
