On a par with Tim Hortons running out of coffee or Internet access going down, Canadians are almost certainly going to face one of those "Oh, no!" situations when the National Hockey League goes dark.
So, while the lockout is on and NHL rinks are gathering dust, what are loonie-spending, Maple Leaf-waving, coffee-drinking, Justin-Bieber-loving Canadians supposed to do with time formerly spent in front of their TV sets or - if they're lucky enough to live in an NHL city - in the stands cheering on their favourite team?
Here are a few ways to fill in that time and feel good about yourself at the same time:
Go for a nightly walk, but not to the neighbourhood bar.
Be the "Good Samaritan" on your block and shovel snow from the driveway of the little old lady down the street. If you're one of two "Good Samaritans" and both of you arrive to do your good deed at the same time, do not drop the shovels and settle things with fisticuffs. Share. Do half each.
Embrace the exciting Canadian Football League. (*Manitobans are exempt from this suggestion.) Regular season and playoffs will keep up your sporting interest until late November.
Volunteer with your local Christmas Cheer board, or local equivalent. Almost every community has an agency that raises money and collects toys for those less fortunate. Swell your heart and help your community by saying "what can you find for me to do?"
Become a fowl supper (burp!) junkie.
Visit your local arena and watch some of the squirts, peewees, bantam and midgets - the future of our game - play hockey for the fun of it.
Organize street hockey games in your neighbourhood, just as you did when you were 10 years old. Best part? The post-game hot chocolate is now a cool, refreshing beer.
Buy a dartboard. Find enlarged photos of Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr. Practise daily.
R.J. Currie of sportsdeke.com: "Actress Elisha Cuthbert and Maple Leafs captain Dion Phaneuf announced they are engaged to be married. So far, no disagreements with that NHL union."
Norman Chad of the Washington Post: "I've become a big fan of Giants coach Tom Coughlin, but he always looks like he's about to undergo a dental procedure."
Greg Cote of the Miami Herald: "Dwyane Wade is on a media tour plugging his new book on fatherhood, and it is refreshing that he embraces his role as a dad. To too many NBA players, fatherhood is a claim pending a paternity suit."
Cote again: "Vin Scully, 84, will return as the Los Angeles Dodgers' broadcaster next year. I don't wanna say Scully is old, but he recalls Abner Doubleday as a "good kid."
Another one from Chad: "Why is it called 'Tommy John surgery'? Shouldn't the procedure be identified by the doctor who first performed it, Frank Jobe? After all, the Heimlich manoeuvre isn't named after the person who was choking."
Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle: "Jerry Rice said recently that (49ers coach Jim) Harbaugh needs to take the diaper off (Alex) Smith, let him be a man. Did that happen Sunday (against the Packers)? Depends."
R.J. Currie again: "Andy Murray won his first-ever Slam at the U.S. Open, ending a British championship drought dating back 76 years. Or as Cubs fans put it, not that long ago."
Snipped from Dwight Perry's Sideline Chatter in the Seattle Times: "Bill 'Spaceman' Lee, 65, became the oldest pitcher to win a pro baseball game when he hurled the San Rafael (Calif.) Pacifics to a 9-4 independent-league victory over the Maui Na Koa Ikaika of Hawaii, but apparently not without controversy. 'The opposing manager claimed that Lee was putting his hand to his mouth,'" wrote Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, "but that was just to keep his teeth in."
Another one from Perry: "Line judge Shannon Eastin became the first woman game official in NFL history in Sunday's Rams-Lions game, and Steelers linebacker Larry Foote had no problem with that. 'Women are more honest and fair than men,' Foote told AP, 'and they know how to catch a man cheating.'"
Murray State football coach Chris Hatcher, as quoted in the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, refusing to assess Florida State's national-title chances after the Seminoles beat his team 69-3: "I'm no procrastinator."
Comedian Argus Hamilton, on the newest addition to Time Warner's cable offerings: "Australian-rules football, if you've never seen it, is a cross between rugby and second-degree manslaughter."
Janice Hough of leftcoastsportsbabe.com: "Chicago Cubs president Theo Epstein said that rebuilding the team 'won't happen overnight' and that 2013 may also be tough. Undaunted, die-hard Cubs fans immediately put on T-shirts saying 'Wait until the year after next year.'"
TV funnyman Conan O'Brien of TNT: "Over the weekend Mitt Romney made an appearance at a NASCAR race in Virginia. There was an awkward moment when he asked a NASCAR driver why he didn't just hire a chauffeur."
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