Dear diary, it will be a huge disappointment for my 27 pledged supporters, but I have abandoned my campaign to be mayor of Estevan.
Besides, returning officer Judy Pilloud told me I missed the nomination deadline and she probably wouldn’t have accepted it even if I had filed on time, because, apparently, official candidates have to pay something for the privilege and she doubted I would have found five people willing enough to sign nomination paperwork on my behalf. She didn’t know about my confirmed support base.
So I have released my 27 pledged supporters from their obligation. They can vote for whomever they wish.
I have bigger fish to fry.
I think I’d like to be president of FIFA.
They’re the guys who run the global football world. It’s soccer, for those of you who play it North American style.
There is big money in FIFA’s world, which is, quite literally, the world. Their current president, a guy named Slippery Blather, or something like that, has been accused of taking all kinds of illicit funds. He was sorta voted out of office due to criminal charges, but then he decided he didn’t want to be thrown out, so they let him stay.
Now, that’s the kind of system I could transition into quite nicely.
Slip declared himself the “president of everything,” and said he was staying put as president of FIFA.
Of course, he may someday run into that Trump guy, who also wants to be “a president who will fix everything,” in six days, before having a rest on the seventh day.
The battle between Slip and Donnie might be well worth viewing … from a safe place, if you could find one.
Neither of them know how to apologize, which would add to the entertainment value.
Of course to become FIFA president, I’ll have to start at the bottom for a couple of weeks, so I think I’ll manage the Estevan soccer club, Estevan United. Every soccer league has to have team named United in each division. I learned that much.
Of course, like every project in southeast Saskatchewan, my team will be put together in Estevan and the Estevan people will do all the grunt work to make it happen, and then our head office will be moved to Weyburn. Those are the rules in southeast Saskatchewan, and even I wouldn’t be able to change that rule, at least not until I became “president of everything,” like Slip is now.
Apparently FIFA doles out millions to hard-pressed international soccer federations and keeps billions for itself and Slip and the gang skim a few hundred million off the top.
Rigged games, crooked referees, crazy uncontrollable fans, administrative rules that change every three months, that sounds like that could be right up my alley.
But, along the way, dear diary, I will keep all you little people in mind and someday, FIFA’s head office will be located in Estevan, not Geneva or Weyburn … but Estevan, if I have my say, and I will be heard.
Or, I could run for that Canadian Senate seat I’ve talked about before. That would be nice too, but it seems that now I’ve turned my attention to ruling the soccer kingdom, that Senate seat seems like crumpled crackers right about now. I must set my sights a little higher. Besides, I don’t think Sunny Ways likes me that much. Or knows about me, which is a good thing. I need to keep it that way.
And, if I do decide to run for president of FIFA, I promise I’ll learn what those letters mean.
I will also file my nomination papers on time.
