Ten things you don’t owe your child

I recently read a great article entitled 10 Things You Don't Owe Your Child by Emily Vanderhoof.

It is a little lengthy, so I will run the conclusion next week. I think it’s well worth your time though and I would love to hear your thoughts on some of her points. Enjoy!

In this world where entitlement is rampant, you need to know you don't actually owe your kids a whole lot - especially not these things.

In today's society, everyone is concerned about what we're entitled to or what we deserve. Adults gripe and complain that they didn't get what they deserved. There are constant debates about what are our rights as citizens. What are the basic rights of human beings?

I don't care to get in the middle of those debates. I'm not looking for controversy, but I am concerned about our children. I'm concerned about what we are teaching our children for the future.

Are we teaching them how to be grateful and work hard or are we making life too easy for them?

The demands that we make as adults and the things we think we are entitled to are observed by our children. They hear us talking and making demands. They hear the tone in our voices.

They hear how we speak to others in authority. As they grow older, they may overhear the news or the radio broadcasts. They hear it all. The question is: Is it what you want them to be hearing?  The example society is setting for our future is that they are entitled to get everything they want. Is that true? Is everyone entitled to get everything they want?

As I walk through the store I often hear children complaining to their parents. "That's not fair!" "I want this!" "You promised!" Do your children think you "owe" them things?

You don't have to feel guilty for being the parent that says no. There are many things in life that we DO "owe" our children.  As parents, we owe them our unconditional love, respect, and endless forgiveness. They deserve a place to call home, food to keep them healthy, and an education that will help them later in life. However, there are plenty of things in life they are not entitled to. These are things parents don't need to feel guilty about. We do not need to feel guilty saying, "NO" to our children! In fact, I'm thankful to parents who say no to their children.

Sometimes the best way to love your child is to say no!

This is my list of 10 things you don't owe your child.

1. Children are not entitled to rewards for good behavior. When you walk through the store and your child behaves while you are shopping, you don't "owe" them a toy for good behavior. They behaved. That's GREAT! Done deal. This one drives me nuts! I would say to my child, "Thanks for being so well-behaved in the store today!" They say, "You're welcome, what can we get?!" After many lessons, they are learning. Life is not a hand-out. Sometimes you just have to do what is expected of you. Now, after teaching them, I can reward them once in awhile and not have to continually hear them asking for a reward.

2. Children are not entitled to be the best athlete in school.  Children walk on the field or the court and expect they will have the skills and talent of a pro-athlete. What they don't realize is that good athletes work hard.  If they work hard and practice their skills they will reap the rewards. The rewards do not necessarily mean professional sports though. Skill and talent doesn't come automatically and it doesn't come without hours of committed practice.

3. Children are not entitled to every possession they want!  First, let's help them appreciate the things they have. Learning contentment is another hard but important life lesson. Next let's teach them the value of what it is they want. Teach them how to save their money for it. They can earn it. You don't have to buy it for them because they want it now. Give them a chance to want it for a little while. They may discover if they wait that they didn't really want it that desperately. They will also learn patience. Your children will appreciate the item even more!

4. Children are not entitled to popularity. There is no rule that says they will or should have a playground full of friends. Everyone is different. Teach them that sometimes a few really good friends is better. Popularity is not the most important part of life to strive for. We would never wish for our children to be without friends, but they need to learn how to make friends and be a good friend in order to have them and keep them.

5. Children are not entitled to a gourmet meal. We work hard as parents and there are a lot of aspects to running a home. You may not have time to make a 7-course meal when all that is said and done. Parents don't have to feel guilty about that. Do the best you can to provide a healthy balanced meal for your family. Teach your children to respect that. Let's teach them how to help make those meals! This is a win for everyone!

Watch for Part 2 next week!